Please welcome Michelle. She's a powerhouse, carving out her path with bold steps and a heart that knows no bounds when it comes to giving.
What year were you born?
On a Friday in 1968 around 6 am in Fort Ord, CA, my dad was leaving for the army base that morning and my mom had a feeling that she should go with him. En route, I gave birth to myself in the front seat of their Chevy Nova. I guess that I was a bit too impatient to wait and decided that it was my time to come to earthside so I slid out before they got to the base.
My dad tried to say that my mom climbed in the back seat to have me and my mom is quite adamant that that was not what happened.
They were pulled over to the side and a police officer came to check on them. I believe that they got a police escort to the base. My mom said that the nurse carried me in with the umbilical cord still attached to us both.. Weird, right?!
I was 4lbs.6oz and a month early. Apparently my little spirit decided that it was time to meet the world and that being a Sagitarius instead of a Capricorn was how it was meant to be. I was put in an incubator for a week or so until I reached 5lbs and my parents barely got to hold me.
We joke that I have been independent since day 1. We had that Chevy Nova for years!
What was your life like growing up? What dreams and goals did you have for your life when you left High School?
Overall, my childhood was good. I had 3 younger brothers. We are all about 4 years apart. I remember taking care of myself a lot since there were 3 others of us and there was always a little one.
My mom is Canadian and my grandparents had 6 acres on Lake Shuswap in BC. We would go there every summer for a week or 2 and it was the best. Often there were cousins to hang out with. Hours of swimming and adventuring on the property. They had a huge garden and it was common to be sent to the garden to pick veggies for dinner which were cooked on a wood burning stove. My favorite meal was when grandma would cook roast beef and yorkshire pudding followed by a vanilla ice cream cone with sprinkles on top. There were hours of playing cards and beating Grandad at Gin Rummy was the coup. Being at the lake are some of my best childhood memories.
I started kindergarten at age 4 because my mom felt like it was time for me to go to school and have more input to keep my curious mind occupied. We moved a lot when I was kid which was strange for my dad being in banking.It’s certainly not a career where you hear of people moving a lot. I went to a new school almost every year which made it really hard to make friends. When I got to high school, I told my parents that they could move wherever they wanted but I was staying at my high school.
I graduated at 17 and headed off to Interior Architecture school at the U of O. I was only one of my friends to go away to college. It was a lot to navigate college at 17, away from home and living in a dorm. I remember it as being the best and worst year of my life. I learned how to do a lot of hard things and a lot about myself. One of the biggest challenges was having a female studio professor that was really hard on the women in the program and I only stayed for a year.
Then I went to clothing design school and had a similar experience. After that, I decided that college and I needed a break from each other. I chose to enter the school of life and that is where I have stayed following the paths that intrigue me the most.
What is the one piece of advice would you give your younger self?
Trust your intuition always. “Should “is someone else’s opinion based on the framework of their life…not yours.
You always have a choice so don’t give up your power. You are your only limitation even when the options are limited.
Name at least one outstanding experience you have had in your life. How did this or these events affect you?
I think that if we look closely, life is full of these. They are what build us and create richness in our human journey. I also think that they can be outstanding without being the story that you tell people and they ooh and ahh about. Some of the most outstanding experiences I have had are not the ones that were glamorous and fun but the ones that took me to my knees and required me to dig deep within myself and courageously climb out of that place.
I have a tendency to be so curious that I say yes to things before my fear meter even has a chance to register. One of the ones that repeatedly informs my current perspectives is when I had the opportunity to teach an entrepreneurship class at a men’s correctional facility awhile back. This was one of those times.
I had taught very few workshops to this point and was just finding my way with them. I had never taught a group of men…taught someone else's curriculum or been in a prison.
All of a sudden…There I was doing the training to get my volunteer credentials. Trying to wrap my head around what it would be like. Being nervous about following someone else's curriculum. Knowing that at times, I might have to go in without the other person. Wondering if I was going to be able to effectively teach the class.
It was an experience that was all of the things: exhilarating, challenging, rewarding, funny, sad, scary, unpredictable, beautiful.
I got to see how our society devalues people and makes them believe that they cannot be anything different. How we put these people in conditions that would mentally challenge anyone. I listened to these men normalizing childhoods that no child should ever have to experience. I got to witness racial barriers being crossed by men who would literally have killed each other if they met on the streets to create a project that would help save kids from following a path like theirs. I got to see emotional armor put up like Transformers on steroids. I got to experience the privilege of creating trust with someone so that they put down their armor and lean in to share.
It was an experience that pushed me in more ways than I could have imagined and has continued to inform my life and work since then. What I learned about myself is that I really deeply care about people and believe that no matter what, each person has the ability to make a positive impact in the world. Some just need the chance to see beyond their walls and believe that they are valuable.
When in your life, so far, have you felt most confident and why?
I would say I am the most confident now and it is more of a grounded confidence. Confidence at other times in my life hasn’t been as grounded as it is now. It comes with a release of judgment (mostly) about what others think of my life and more about fulfilling my purpose in this life to the best of my ability while knowing that I don’t know all of the things and I can continue learning. I also think that as we move through life, the further along we get, the less we care about the judgment of others and more about being true to ourselves.
At this juncture in life I have built quite a library of priors of being able to lean in and do hard things so it makes it easier to hold fear by the hand and move through it.
Was there a time in your life where you felt ‘stuck’, unable to find the energy or strength to move forward or to make a big change? If so, can you share what it was &/or what helped you get past this road block?
I think that one of the most “stuck” times of my life was when my son was about 8 and my husband was really struggling. My husband ended up being diagnosed with PTSD from childhood abuse.
During that time, while he was finding himself and getting the help that he needed, it changed the whole construct of our lives. I became the sole financial provider, emotional supporter and doer of all of the things for our household. It took everything that I had to keep from drowning in the demands of my life at that time.
I think that my unwillingness to give up on people and my ability to set strong boundaries saved me from totally losing myself. I learned what it meant when you hear “ It takes a village to raise kids”. I had to accept all that was offered and some days ask for more or lose myself.
To grow from this, I also had to realign my perception of being in partnership with someone and realign my relationship with myself. I had to accept where we were and choose to fight like hell to create a life that gave us all space to be valued for who we are.
A snapshot into our life 11 years later…we are all pursuing things that bring us joy, are able to have deep belly laughs that end in tears, and have learned how to come together and give each other space.
How have your dreams and goals changed now that you are 40+?
My vision of success has changed. When we are younger, society guides us that success is based on achievements and belongings. It’s a great tactic to keep toxic capitalism alive and keep us from ever feeling enough.
The challenge with that is that you can have all of the things and still not know yourself or be content in your life. I was reading this article that talked about the idea that those striving for happiness tend to be less happy than those who focus on the moments of joy in their lives. It makes a lot of sense to me as happiness will always be a moving target, a utopian ideal. We can find moments of joy in our deepest sorrows and often those are the things that keep us moving forward.
Now, success is about the richness in my days and the strength in my relationships. My goals are centered around impact and are more objectives to be reached in multiple ways and in a fluid timeline. I think that the terminology of “goals” creates a very linear and singular focus that for me, misses the tiniest moments of magic that live in each day.
My dreams and objectives now are centered around how I want to feel and what resources I have to reach them. My relationships with people and my ability to make a positive impact daily in the world are the most important things.
Have your core values changed over time? What do you value now?
Two of my core values have remained steadfast and true: curiosity and creativity. The others seem to evolve based on where I am at in life. Currently, the other three in my hub are: fun, flexibility and accessibility.
I think that evolution speaks to being at an age where my time requirements are changing as our son is emerging into adulthood and there is more space to explore all of the things that I am inspired by.
Share an indulgence:
Oooh…indulgences…hours wandering a bookstore, art store or fabric store. Those are places of calm and enjoyment for me.
Also…a delicious piece of cake for breakfast.
How do other people describe you or see you?
Most often, I am described as a loving “Mama Bear”. I was sent a text from a friend on Mother’s day this year that said: “ Thank you for stepping into this role for more than just your kiddo, thank you for choosing to be in so many of our corners and picking up the baton when needed. From the moment I met you, I knew that you would always have my back the way a mother does.”
They say that I hold space deeply and lovingly for people to find their way and support them along their journey without diving in to solve their challenges. I create safe places for them to land and find their way while holding strong boundaries. I have a take no shit attitude in a strong yet gentle way.
A creative human that always shows up with many, many colors of pens and looks for outside of the box solutions to things.
What is your super power?
Ooh, this was kind of a hard question to answer. I think that I have many super powers. My deep curiosity is definitely one as it allows me to listen deeply to people and maintain a space of constant learning.
I think that my creativity comes alongside my curiosity. I am always up for trying things in new ways, exploring new art materials, and stepping outside the box to solve challenges.
My ability to hold space for people that makes them feel safe to take the chances to step into their greatness and face their shadows.
Can you share what your favourite part of your body is? Why?
My hands…they create so many things and are part of a great hug!
“Should “is someone else’s opinion based on the framework of their life…not yours.
Do you like being 40+?
I don’t see any reason to resist being in the space that I am in…embrace what you cannot change. I think it is more about the season of life that you are in versus the number. I constantly find myself confused about what it means to be 50+. Growing up, there was a very distinct persona of a woman in her 50’s and now that I am there, I don’t feel that I embody that.
It is definitely a journey to come to reconciliation with my physical age not seeming to match my mental age. At the end of the day, I don’t think that I understand being over 40.
How has your relationship with yourself changed as you have gotten older?
It certainly has. I am a hell of a lot nicer and more forgiving with myself. There are very few expectations from the world that I think I need to fill.
What are you passionate about now? Ie: career, volunteer work, hobbies, how you spend your time. Please describe and include any links that you would like to share. Alternatively, If you are challenged in some way and unable to do what you love/wish to do, please share.
There is no lack of passion for things from me! Currently, I love my work as a consultant/coach. I always have some new hobby or thing that I am trying that I am really excited about. About a year ago, I started playing tennis again after not playing for 20 years and I love it. I follow my intuition and inspiration as much as I possibly can.
If you want to check out my work: www.culturerevision.com
What goals/ambitions/dreams would you like to be working on that you haven’t had the opportunity to start on yet?
I have an intention of being a textile designer when I am 70. It has been with me for a couple decades now and we will see how that comes to fruition.
I work on all kinds of art and craft projects and I have a feeling that somehow they will transform into this.
What advice would you give your future self?
Don’t stop trying new things…ever. Your curiosity is what feeds your soul and keeps it vibrant and engaged in the world.
How do you think women of your generation are perceived?
I think that as a society, we want women of my generation to disappear into the woodwork. In reality, we are a vibrant group of women that have a lot left to do and a lot to contribute to the world. The idea that people are disposable is built out of fear of others losing power. The truth of it is that if we all lean in together and work more collectively, less individualistically, that the power redistribution would create a world where everyone is valued and thrives.
As women, when we come together collectively, we are a force to be reckoned with. That is why there are so many divisive ways that those in power work to keep us divided and controlled. I think that it is really important that we make the choice to be relevant, engaged in our world, and actively refuse to be silenced and diminished. We don’t exist to make others feel comfortable in their lives by doing what the world “expects” of us. We exist to be our own people and be valuable, contributing members of society. We are here to take up space.
Are there any myths you would like to bust about the over 40s? If so, can you tell us about them?
In the U.S. that people are viewed as less valuable as they age and that is not true. As we age we are a wealth of knowledge and stories that needs to be passed on.
What advice do you have to offer to those who are approaching mid life or those that are in mid life and perhaps struggling with it.
Find a way to do all of the things that you have always wanted to do. Use this time as a checkpoint to make sure that you are leading the life that you want to lead and not that life that others are expecting you to. At the end of our lives, it only matters how we have chosen to show up in life and how true we have been to our spirits.
Do you have a favourite book to recommend?
Any novel that will let you put down the weight of the world and let you get lost into a dreamy world of story, curiosity and pleasure.
Do you have a favourite quote to share?
Ooh, I love a good quote and have a collection of them.
“ In the end, she became more than what she expected. She became the journey, and like all journeys, she did not end, she simply changed directions and kept going.” -R.M. Drake
“And one day, she discovered that she was fierce and strong and full of fire, and not even she could hold herself back because her passion burned brighter than her fears.” -Mark Anthony
Don’t ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who are alive. - Howard Thurman
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in the lonely frustration for the life you deserved…the world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible , it is yours.” -Ayn Rand
How did the 40/40 experience affect you personally?
It was a really powerful experience of giving to myself. I didn’t share with anyone that I was doing the project for a long time because it wasn’t about them and I did not need their commentary…no matter what it was. Going through the process was also an opportunity to face a fear of being photographed or perhaps…seen.
When I finally saw the photos, I almost didn’t recognize the person in the photos because I had grown in some new ways. I am really thankful for the time capsule of that moment in time.
When I shared the photos at a retreat with a group of women, it was really vulnerable and beautiful to be seen in that way.
Thank you for taking the time to share Michelle. You are a beautiful soul!!