Please welcome Alice. A creative, active, no one can hold me down, coool kinda human.
What year were you born? Did your parents tell you anything about the day you were born?
I was born in 1979 in Seattle Washington at a whopping 8lbs 5oz during my father’s medical residency. I think I was born on a Thursday afternoon. I do remember my mother telling me that I was in an incubator for a bit due to breathing problems. Which is so interesting because breath is so important to me now. Having strong lungs to swim and hike and run fast. My mom said I was a good baby and my dad loved holding me after a long day during his medical residency.
What was your life like growing up? What dreams and goals did you have for your life when you left High School?
I was born in Seattle and my parents moved to the San Francisco Bay area when I was 2. My childhood was ideal actually. I mean my mom definitely had us do a lot of chores, but on the flip side our vacations were camping in the Sierras, hiking every day to a high elevation lake or a road trip to Death Valley in July.
I grew up in Hayward, California. I'm the 3rd of four children. My mother is an artist and my father was a family practitioner. We lived in a nice neighborhood in a very economically and demographically diverse town. We were all involved in music, sports and theater and my mother stayed home running the household. She had jobs and businesses here and there to pay for music lessons. When we ever said we were bored she said “go outside or you can do an art project.”
We weren’t allowed to watch much tv and always had chores. I’m grateful for those things now. She entertained a lot and we often had a full house of people, she loved to cook. My dad worked hard healing his patients and read a lot and hiked mountains when he got the chance. My younger brother and I roamed the canyons and often had poison oak. I was always running around with the boys. Definitely a tomboy but also very boy crazy. I was and am a lover and a fighter. I also have the best siblings. I’m the 3rd of 4 and we’re always gotten along.
I dreamed big. I couldn’t wait to leave my hometown as soon as possible. I dreamed of traveling all over the world and specifically moving to Australia. I always wished my parents would move. After I took a geography class in college and the teacher talked about his travels including Africa, I immediately began a quest to get there as well and wanted to volunteer in an orphanage specifically. My long term goal was to live on a cliff over the ocean near Seattle. I loved grunge and loved the Seattle culture. My heart longed for the pacific northwest most of my life.
School was harder than I thought. I was kind of a disaster and muddled my way through. I grew up Mormon which I no longer practice and went to BYU where my friends and roommates were always getting married so I was like a chameleon continually reorganizing my friend group. But I always had lots of friends and was definitely up for fun. After my Freshman year I was put on academic probation.
This led to a big depression and I attempted to kill myself. My mother brought me back to the Bay Area and enrolled me in a daily painting class at CCAC in Oakland that she was taking. This got me out of bed every day. If I couldn't get out of bed she would dance for me. Thinking back about that experience.
Reflecting back on the event decades later I realized at the time my thought process was “If I live then maybe someone will know what to do”. I just didn’t know how to exist in this world with all the intense feelings I encompassed.
Now I have outlets and know how to regulate. Moving my body is key. Swimming is at the forefront. It’s where I sort out most of my life's problems. Bringing me clarity, confidence and inspiration. It soothes my body and soul. This along with running, rowing, walking and strength training.
A guiding force for me is the Emu, my spirit animal (consistently inconsistent). Sometimes I have these intense urges to dance or sprint. When I honor these impulses, I’m able to release these bursts of energy which also helps me feel better.
A crazy full circle story: A couple of years ago I took a charcoal drawing class in Portland. It was taught by the very same instructor who taught my painting class that my mother enrolled me in when I was struggling after my suicide attempt. During the opening of the class, he mentioned charcoal is great to work with because it’s not toxic. I shared with him later that I took his painting class 23 years prior and charcoal played a key role in my survival since I took it to throw up what I ingested for the suicide attempt.
I eventually went back to BYU and was accepted into the art program which took me to Tonga, New Zealand and finally Australia!
I skied a lot and attended rock concerts or went latin dancing whenever I got the chance. Eventually I graduated with an art degree and then taught high school art at a private high school in the SF Bay Area where I met my husband. We were really good friends for a few years before we started dating. Then I married who I thought was my best friend. We moved to Switzerland for a bit, then settled in Palo Alto for several years. Had 3 babies, adventured with them. I used to take my kids on long road trips for several weeks through national parks and I love and miss that.
A separation in 2018 initiated by my now ex husband provoked some of these adventures with the kids. After almost a year we got back together and finally followed through with our long term plan to move to the Portland area, weathered the pandemic. Then I realized I didn’t love my husband after the initial separation (plus he was gay.) So I decided to ask for a divorce.
Name at least one outstanding experience you have had in your life. How did this or these events affect you?
I have had many incredible and sad experiences in my life. I’ve hiked Kilimanjaro, flipped a car 3 times in the air going almost 90 mph and survived. I was married to a gay man for 15 years. I birthed my three children without medication. I’ve experienced trauma and abuse. I lost my father to cancer when I was 28. I’ve lived all over the world. But the one thing that really defined the course of my life was in 7th grade when I met Heather.
Looking back I realize I was bullied in 6th grade. It was a hard year having a bone infection in my foot and friends (who I thought were my friends) turned on me. I went to middle school very defeated and alone. I met Heather the first day and she was a bright light! I was so shy and timid when I was younger. Heather gave me the confidence to be who I am and not give a fuck about what others think. The way she asserted herself with confidence in her unique way shaped the rest of my life. We were glued at the hip and I am eternally grateful that I had her friendship in junior high, high school and beyond!
All of my experiences have made me more empathetic and compassionate which I'm grateful for.
When in your life, so far, have you felt most confident and why?
My three biggest fears are 1: Losing a child specifically to drowning. 2: Divorce and 3: Cancer.
The summer of 2022 after I got divorced, I moved, finalized a divorce and was diagnosed with cancer all within weeks of each other. Emotionally supporting my children through it all. My divorce was finalized a few weeks shy of my 15th anniversary, June 16th (a day that sometimes falls on father’s day too. Kind of a doozy. I was married on the 1 yr anniversary of my fathers death. It kind of worked out that way. He died of lymphoma.)
Anyhow, on June 16th, right after my divorce was finalized I sat in a chair with my surgeon as she took several samples of my lymph nodes to see if the cancer had spread beyond my thyroid. Tears streamed down my face. She tried to reassure me, telling me that she’s very thorough. I told her it was supposed to be my wedding anniversary, in addition it was the anniversary of my father’s death from lymphoma, a possibility for me.
I fortunately didn’t have lymphoma, it was thyroid cancer. Surviving two of my worst fears and breaking free of a long battle to remove myself from an incredibly unhealthy situation was so empowering. I rode that wave for a while!
A year later, on the day of my anniversary I went to the beach and wrote pages and pages. I burned them and made a divorce certificate. It was a divorce ritual. I realized we have weddings and funerals but no ceremony for divorce. It was therapeutic.
Divorce is the death of a marriage. It is grieving the life you thought you’d have forever. Healing from that among other things is exhausting and I have pushed myself hard this past year. Going forward, I've decided not to push myself so much and just exist. To find happiness and joy in the small things. That’s what gives me energy. Even though the whole process of divorce was so exhausting and arduous I realize how more fortunate I am than other stay home mothers who have divorced.
I’m currently struggling with not giving beyond my means. I am a giver and I give too much without being replenished causing me to be completely drained. That said, giving brings me joy and is the antidote to depression. How to balance this is a constant challenge. I need to work on this.
Was there a time in your life where you felt ‘stuck’, unable to find the energy or strength to move forward or to make a big change? If so, can you share what it was &/or what helped you get past this road block?
I’ve felt creatively and emotionally blocked. I feel stuck right now. I have an overhang of returning to work full time for money outside of the home for the first time in 16 years. It’s hard, terrifying and draining. I’m sad to not be fully there for my children. I’m still recovering from the things I’ve experienced this past decade. I’m working on changing my focus to one of healing and recovery. I takes a while. It’s all an adjustment but I know I will figure something out. I always do.
Recently I’ve had a setback after being in a motorcycle accident. I loved that motorcycle It felt so liberating planning routes along the beautiful back country roads of Oregon. Unfortunately during one of my rides a drunk driver caused me to crash and totaled my Boba Fett (motorcycle). I’ve tried to meditate on what I could learn from it. It did force me to slow down and embrace stillness. This enabled me to be more present with my children. I had a lot of emotional releases and sobbed and sobbed. In addition I got my creative flow back and I started painting again.
I am constantly amazed how many times I have picked myself up from being knocked down.
What is the one piece of advice would you give your younger self?
Your joy is found in water and the trees. Always seek them out. And don’t be quiet even when told.
Present
How have your dreams and goals changed now that you are 40+
I want less. I’m happier with less. I’ve learned to be happy with what I have.
Have your core values changed over time? What do you value now?
I used to say whatever I thought, now I think of the heart of the other person more before I speak. Not that I didn’t care what others felt, I just consider that a little more. The one thing that has stayed consistent is my friendships. I truly am wealthy with friendships. I hope they all know how much I love and value them.
Share an indulgence:
Just one? Whiskey, massages, Reeses pb cups and white cheddar cheez its.
How do other people to describe you or see you?
Random, vibrant, whackadoodle, full of life, a lot, (while typing all of this I’m wondering if it’s too much) rough around the edges, dreamer, totally imperfect, yellow, deep feeler, friendly if you’re my friend then I’m your biggest fan!
What is your super power?
I have an extremely strong will. If you tell me I can’t do something, you just put fuel on my fire.
Can you share what your favourite part of your body is? Why?
Well I’ve always had a good complexion and felt very self conscious about my arms, but the past few years my arms have been kick ass. I get compliments from strangers all the time! I was dancing at a concert the other night and a random girl complimented me.
I swim about 6-8 miles a week and do a 5 min plank before bed every night. I value my arms strength. I also have kick ass boobs that I nursed with for 45 months. They don’t really sag, but that’s maybe due to the fact that I don’t wear a bar. I’ve also been told many times I’ve got a great ass so I’ll take it. (This all took a long time to get to after being sexually rejected for years in my 15 year marriage.)
Do you like being 40+?
OH MY GOODNESS! I was so sad to turn 40 but all these women I know were like “You’re gonna love it.” I LOVE IT SO MUCH! I always tell younger women: “It’s so exciting that you haven’t even hit the best decade yet.” I didn’t really give a fuck about what other people thought most of my life but now I really don’t give a fuck. But I am more forgiving.
I’ve been told to quiet down my whole life and I’m so weary of being quiet. In this second half of life I’ve learned to not be quiet but also leave space for others. I’ve learned to turn loss, heartbreak, sorrow and despair into a fuel for my own benefit. I ran my fastest mile running in the forest on one of the saddest days of my life. I have learned to allow myself to be angry and that powered me to keep going.
I also love how my body has changed in a good way. I was always so beefy and now I feel a little more delicate and feminine. I’ve embraced my spider veins and weird pinky toe. My collar bone shows a little more and my skin is thinning and sagging and I kind of like it.
Has your relationship with yourself changed as you have gotten older? How?
I’m kinder to myself. I have less negative self-talk. I give myself more compliments. I give my body love and self care and am more grateful for it. My body is truly so amazing! I also know that I always have good intentions, and mean well. It breaks my heart to ever hurt anyone I love.
I have realized that I can give more love if I can love myself more. That’s an example I want to give to my children. Being diagnosed with ADHD helped and changed my life. Understanding myself more. But I usually don’t share it much because most people don’t understand it or weaponize it against me. I share an explanation of why I interrupt when speaking. I don’t mean to, I just get excited about you or the conversation. Plus my brain is on all 6 lanes of a freeway.
What are you passionate about now? Ie: career, volunteer work, hobbies, how you spend your time. Please describe and include any links that you would like to share. Alternatively, If you are challenged in some way and unable to do what you love/wish to do, please share.
Swimming, lake swimming especially, forest walks, my children, dancing. Live music or music in general. I always have music on, while driving, at home all the time. Sex. I love sex. Always have always will. YELLOW! I loooooooove yellow. Ever since I could see/speak I love it. I also loved riding my motorcycle so much. It gave me so much freedom and I felt so liberated since I felt and still feel so trapped in other parts of my life. Babies. Give me a baby to hold. I'll put them to sleep! I don’t want anymore but I have always loved holding a baby.
Painting also has been an outlet for healing and self expression. As of late my paintings have revealed the complicated process of healing from a divorce. Also, deconstructing the complications associated with growing up in a strict religious upbringing that encouraged my 15 year marriage to a gay man.
I feel most liberated with an endless palette of color and blank surfaces to express and release the chaos in my soul. Works of art and other shenanigans can be found on my instagram @Aquayellowalice
Future
What goals/ambitions/dreams would you like to be working on that you haven’t had the opportunity to start on yet?
I want to create more. I want to be in a consistent state of creating. Swim in more lakes, ride a motorcycle around the US, visit all the National Parks with my children before they leave the house. I want them to know the most important thing in life is to be kind, be happy with what you have, and to be grateful every day.
What advice would you give your future self?
Look back at all the mountains you’ve climbed. You’re amazing. You are so strong and such a badass!
Perceptions & Advice
How do you think women of your generation are perceived?
We are perceived as difficult. If we stand up for what we want and or speak our needs then we’re difficult and I hate that.
Are there any myths you would like to bust about the over 40s? If so, can you tell us about them?
That you DO NOT need botox to be beautiful. Women STOP USING BOTOX!
What advice do you have to offer to those who are approaching mid life or those that are in mid life and perhaps struggling with it.
Slow down, look outside of yourself, don’t minimize your sorrows. Be grateful. And 40’s are young. When I got to my 40’s I thought being at the bottom of the age group category I’d kick ass. Nope. Women in their 40’s kick ass and I have a feeling it keeps going.
Do you have a favourite book to recommend?
Meh, it changes. It’s hard for me to read. But I do love the Moth and Tooth and Claw podcasts. Ha ha.
Do you have a favourite quote to share?
Either:
Mary Oliver
“What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life”
Which taught me to savour life or:
Albert Einstein
“Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.”
I read this when I was in high school. It validated me being a dreamer with a very large imagination and less book smart.
Is there anything else you would like to add?
I’m good in a crisis. I plan out responses to every possible scenario and have an exit plan. I’m also an excellent detective. I pretend not to know, but I always know so don’t fuck with me. Also I hate hearts, cats, purple, green beans and being tickled.
How did the 40/40 project experience affect you personally?
This project has empowered me so much. The day of the photo shoot I almost canceled. I didn’t feel beautiful and was bloated and on my period. But then I thought fuck it, it will be me authentically in that moment and it’s the truth. The truth is what’s so important to me.
The photos I chose were the ones that captured my true expressions. I bend over when I’m laughing hard! The photos show my spider veins, and cellulite and rolls and muscles and strengths and stretches and marks. Revealing what my body has been through over the years. And I’m so glad it’s captured for my children to see.
Answering these questions was hard but therapeutic and forced me to dig deep and think about what I can reveal about my life that will bring hope to other women to keep going through tough times. Just like the previous interviews did for me.
Thank you so much for joining this project and sharing about your incredible life!
You are a strong, driven woman over 40, or maybe you are trying to get your footing in this next chapter of life. Or bouncing back and forth. It’s a wild ride that’s for certain. So much change. I invite you to be a part of Forty Women Over Forty Portraits and Story Project, Volume 2.
What’s the purpose of 40/40 Vol. 2?
1. Unleash Your Potential: At 40/40 Vol. 2, I believe that age is just a number and that women over 40 have an incredible amount of untapped potential, wisdom and beauty. Through this project, you will have the opportunity to get back in touch with who you are at your core. See the beauty you have BECAUSE you are over 40 and achieve personal growth like never before. It’s time to give back to yourself.
2. Empowered Community: Join a community of like-minded women who are passionate about lifting one another up & shifting the narrative of this age group. Upon completion, the project celebration will provide the opportunity to meet and surround yourself with inspiring individuals. Fostering connection and new friendships.
3. Diverse Perspectives: I value the unique experiences and perspectives that women over 40 bring to the table. By joining us, you will play an integral role in shaping and shifting limiting beliefs for others, perhaps also for yourself, drawing upon your wealth of wisdom and abilities and sharing them with others.
Join 40/40 Vol. 2 Today!
If you're ready to embark on an exciting adventure, tap HERE. This link will take you to the 40/40 Vol. 2 project overview and application. Take the first step towards fulfilling your potential and joining this incredible cohort of women over 40.
Apply Now:
Once you reach the project overview, you'll find all the details about the exciting opportunities that await you, project goals, and application process. The application is straightforward and quick to fill out.
Join 40/40 Vol. 2 and Make a Difference:
Don't hesitate to seize the chance to be part of something game-changing. Join 40/40 Vol. 2 today and redefine what it means to be a woman over 40. Together, we will break barriers, challenge norms, and erase limiting beliefs! It’s time to come together.
Below is a ‘first take’ video of myself sharing a little insight into why this project is important to me personally…