What year were you born? Do you have any details about that day?
I was born on a Saturday, 1969, on Chicopee Air Force base near Boston and it no longer exists. Granny Esther traveled solo through a major snow storm, plane trip and bus ride to meet me, her first grandchild. I am 55 years old.
What was your life like growing up? What dreams and goals did you have for your life when you left High School?
I was the eldest of the three girls and was the bossy big sister. I enjoyed gymnastics, softball, sleepaway camp and sleepovers with friends. I got to do a lot of international travel as I grew up in southern California, Hong Kong and Tokyo, although my “hometown” is Boulder, CO.
I went on solo spring break trips in high school to Singapore and Perth, Australia.
When I graduated from high school in 1988, I thought I wanted to be a buyer for Macy’s in NYC. As soon as I entered a fashion merchandising program at Colorado State University and found out I needed science classes I was like, ‘No way!”
Now I hate shopping.
What is the one piece of advice you would give your younger self?
Know that it will all be okay, life is not fair and that I have no control over what people think of me. We all judge, it is part of what keeps us alive and safe. P.S. You can not change other people - damn it.
When in your life, so far, have you felt most confident and why?
As I age I gain more confidence. I care much less what people think and trust my own knowing more each day. To answer the question I feel most confident at this time in my life - although likely slightly anxious that people are looking at my pictures and reading this.
Name at least one outstanding experience you have had in your life. How did this or these events affect you?
Coming out twice. I came out in my 20’s (circa 1990) which was very hard. Later my future husband joked my conservative, missionary grandparents prayed I would “find the penis”. After ten years of dating women, we (my husband and I) married and 23 years later we are happily separated. Just before COVID, my first girlfriend told me she was still in love with me after 25 plus years and my body woke up again, it was magical. I have dated women ever since and have got to come out for the second time. It has impacted every area of my life.
Another amazingly outstanding experience was choosing to become pregnant and give birth to my son Samuel who is almost 21 and my heart.
For 25 years I said, “nothing is coming out of me”. On my 31st Christmas Eve, three months after marrying with the agreement “no kids”, my biological clock started ticking. I thought it was the dumbest thing and it did not go away. I had always been fascinated by childbirth and had become a birth doula years before as I wanted to experience childbirth but not do it.
During my pregnancy I went through hypnobirthing training for several weeks for natural childbirth. After 28 hours of labor, two failed forcep attempts, I got to have a C-section as my son was stuck on a “lip” on my cervix, who knew? Thank God we had a doula at our side.
Samuel Madsen Martinez is amazing, a wise old soul, brilliant and super snarky. He knows everything about everything, especially sports and crypto/investing.
Was there a time in your life where you felt ‘stuck’, unable to find the energy or strength to move forward or to make a big change? If so, can you share what it was &/or what helped you get past this road block?
My husband/not husband and I adopted an 8 year old who is now 17 who has many mental health issues, the most significant is severe reactive attachment disorder (RAD). If you have read about adoptees killing their adoptive mothers, this is RAD. There were many times when she would get violent with me and I felt unable to do anything. It was not until she was arrested and in turn threatened my life that I then knew she could do something to my son. I made a big change and decided she would no longer live in our home. She was placed out of state in a residential treatment center. When she got kicked out and was returning home to my husband who wanted to give her another chance I had to move out. This took place a month before my son was graduating from high school.
Knowing she could hurt my son, combined with faith and a ton of coaching leading up to her arrest helped me shift gears to get her placed out of our home.
How have your dreams and goals changed now that you are 40+?
I am living my best life. I am a therapist and life coach. I love to be of service and help others. I can work anywhere and make my own schedule. I no longer dream of being rich, instead I want to be comfortable. I no longer buy into hustle culture, instead more of a balance of work/play and rest. I always have a vacation - small or big, solo or with someone planned to look forward to.
Have your core values changed over time? What do you value now?
I used to believe being busy was better and naps were not allowed.
Now I value love, rest and peace of mind.
Share an indulgence:
Massage - every single week.
How do other people describe you or see you?
Joyful, caring, high energy, old fashioned, hilarious, dorky, smart, amazing, loud, dedicated, passionate, a fierce advocate, easily excitable, very transparent, a mama bear, a rule follower and rule breaker, a crackerjack, someone who goes “all in” on whatever I take on.
What is your super power?
Always knowing what time it is within 10 minutes without looking at a clock (success rate 92%). Also my previous best friend (we had a friendship divorce) always told me I should be president of the United States due to my amazing skill set.
Can you share what your favourite part of your body is? Why?
My blue sparkly eyes because eyes are a window into the soul and when I sparkle it lights others up.
Do you like being 40+?
Turning 50, was the best and every year gets better. Turning 40 was pretty great too. Every decade I turn I celebrate in many ways for the whole year.
Has your relationship with yourself changed as you have gotten older? How?
I have become wiser, quieter and louder paradoxically, I speak up even more than before and I also hold back at times. I am much more aware that life is very short as I worked as a hospice social worker for 13 years. I try to remain cognizant of that.
What are you passionate about now? Ie: career, volunteer work, hobbies, how you spend your time. Please describe and include any links that you would like to share. Alternatively, If you are challenged in some way and unable to do what you love/wish to do, please share.
I am passionate about being a therapist and life coach. I love working with women who are coming out late in life. I am passionate about educating people about hospice and end of life as there are many myths out there.
I love hot yoga and restorative yoga. I love hanging out with my 20 year old snarky son and my girlfriend. I also love eating meals and journaling on my veranda in Golden, CO, in any season surrounded by flowers and trees and birds and blue sky. I love the ocean and dark purple.
It is very important to me to have friends in every decade of life, they inspire me and I have much to learn. I love to get mail and to send cards and letters. I love chocolate chip pancakes, five star hotels, labyrinths and children’s books. I love making a difference in other people's lives.
What goals/ambitions/dreams would you like to be working on that you haven’t had the opportunity to start on yet?
Good question. I need to think more on this.
One goal is to help my parents have a peaceful death (note: my therapist just reminded me I have no control and am not responsible for that piece) and for me to feel at peace in my relationship with my mother.
What advice would you give your future self?
You got this girl, you are a badass and way more talented and amazing than you think.
How do you think women of your generation are perceived?
As highly capable, intelligent, amazing beings who can do it all but can not do it “all” as well as they want if they are truly honest.
Are there any myths you would like to bust about the over 40s? If so, can you tell us about them?
You only get stronger, wiser and more sexy as you age.
What advice do you have to offer to those who are approaching mid life or those that are in mid life and perhaps struggling with it.
The best is yet to come, keep going ladies, ask for support and be open to help. You have all the answers inside of you. Trust your intuition - you do not have to follow the “rules” you get to make up your own. There is still time.
Do you have a favourite book to recommend?
Only about 100.
Where to start??
I hate being limited to one, I usually am reading several books (the old fashioned way not on my phone) at a time. If I had to say I’d break the rules and say two choices that come to mind, Loving What Is and Untamed.
Do you have a favourite quote to share?
Mary Oliver - Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one precious life?
I am truly honored to be a part of this exhibit. It pushed my comfort zone x1000. Never did I think I would voluntarily sign up and pay for a photo shoot with very limited clothing that took several hours. I am secretly super shy even though that surprises many people I know. Thank you to the amazing Risa August, who is also here as a participant for being the inspiration. Go check out her story. We are both life coaches and neighbors in Colorado.
Thank you for sharing about your incredible life with us Lisa! You are a role model for living an authentic, true to yourself life.
Please check out Lisa’s coaching website: https://lisamadsencoaching.com
As well as the site, Conscious Girlfriend Academy. A learning community for lesbians: https://conscoiusgirlfriendacademy.com