What was your life like growing up? What dreams and goals did you have for your life when you left High School?
I feel like there was a lot more spaciousness in my life as a kid than there is for my 6-year old today. We played on the side of the mountain in the ‘poor part’ of Aspen — Even though it was right across the street from the airport and overlooking a sewage facility, there was still a sense of wildness and beauty. I just loved the freedom of inventing my own worlds in within that landscape.
There wasn’t much structure in terms of activity. If you were waiting in line, you just waited! I feel like I’m constantly trying to recreate that feeling of openness and possibility that I felt as a kid and I’m heartbroken that kids today (and adults) don’t have access to that same type of freedom and boredom.
I remember my time in high school feeling like a big giant ball of deep, unspecified longing. I love that sweet girl and I’m still working at unwrapping all that longing.
When in your life, so far, have you felt most confident and why?
I think the time in my life where I’ve felt the most confident is right now! It comes from a blend of owning my own pleasure, feeling sourced in my own sacred feminine and having a lot less fucks to give. And it was a hard road to get here. I remember avoiding the mirror for approximately 2 years as a teenager. I couldn’t stand the voices I would hear when I saw myself. It really wasn’t until I was nearly 40 I started to feel good in my skin. And then I had a baby and started the work of feeling good all over again! But it was an absolutely beautiful and brilliant experience because the depth of it led me into the necessity of really inhabiting my body and myself and loving myself in a way that I never had before. I think I feel most confident now because I choose myself, and because I’ve learned to attend to the things that bring me joy.
Was there a time in your life where you felt ‘stuck’, unable to find the energy or strength to move forward or to make a big change? If so, can you share what it was &/or what helped you get past this road block?
Oh yes! The time in my life when I most stuck was my experience postpartum. Every bit of unprocessed trauma and anxiety came up for me big time and met with the perfect storm of challenges and loss in the real world. It was terrible, I felt completely annihilated. And along with that I felt tremendous guilt for not being the joyful mom I was supposed to be.
I think what helped me were my desires. I would make little desire lists and each line was like the wrung of a ladder that helped me to crawl out of the hole. They were simple things like take a bath, or buy flowers, or get a massage or talk to so and so, but when I had climbed up enough of them I had just enough emotional and physical resources to start painting again. When I started to feel better with that I decided to commit to myself to heal all the health issues that had come up.
I started studying mind/body medicine with an amazing mentor, Kim D’Eramo. She turned me on to how accessing my superpower of sensuality could play a big role in my healing and that lit something up for me big time. I ended up getting my Pleasure Coaching Certification with Mama Gena.
What is the one piece of advice you would give your younger self?
Ask yourself every morning - What do I want to experience today? How can I attend to my joy?
How have your dreams and goals changed now that you are 40+
I think my dreams and goals have become more focused and all the different things I’ve studied, art, healing, the sacred feminine have all coalesced, so that’s really exciting for me. I think my goals have also become a lot more centered on community. After becoming a mom it became apparent how women have been ripped out of their mycelium networks of sisterhood — we have been isolated from each other and our strength — which is such a brilliant tool of the patriarchy to keep us down.
Have your core values changed over time? What do you value now?
I think I’ve gotten clearer on my core values. When I was younger I would never dare say that beauty was a value because it seemed so superficial and commodified. But after a long time working with it I realize that real beauty is not skin deep. It’s a disruptor. It calls us to the present moment — which is so important and something that we so rarely have access to anymore. It’s about being able to see the is-ness that lives underneath all things. I think that beauty has been commodified and denigrated in our culture because the feminine has been denigrated. We are living in an impoverishment of beauty. I value beauty’s return just as I value the feminine’s return.
Share an indulgence:
Watching TV! I don’t get the opportunity very often but when I do I’ll binge watch a good (or bad!) show.
How do other people describe you or see you?
I’ve heard that I help people feel grounded and that I’m also good at making them feel right.
What is your super power?
My superpower is my sensitivity - being able to hear and see underneath and within things and drawing connections between different realms. I’m also really good at seeing and understanding people’s innate beauty and poetry.
Can you share what your favourite part of your body is? Why?
I love my hands, because of the way they take in delicious sensation when I touch something. I love the way they can give and receive —sometimes at the same time.
Do you like being 40+?
Yes. I like myself where I am now.
What are you passionate about now? Ie: career, volunteer work, hobbies, how you spend your time. Please describe and include any links that you would like to share. Alternatively, If you are challenged in some way and unable to do what you love/wish to do, please share.
Today I am passionate about helping women come home to their bodies, heal, and unfold their magic so they can stand in their full and brilliant expression. I’m also particularly passionate about giving mothers an opportunity to feel good again.
(For more info on Krista’s work. The link to her site is at the end of this interview)
Aside from my work, I am also passionate about gardens, interior design, reading, writing, creating a joyful relationship with my family and moving my body in sensual movement classes.
What goals/ambitions/dreams would you like to be working on that you haven’t had the opportunity to start on yet?
Ahh, as my legacy project I would really like to create some kind of space, almost like a garden and day club for the sacred feminine. It would have a greenhouse with a restaurant for sharing meals, a sculpture garden and a beautifully designed pool. Want to join me?
What would the title of your book be?
You’ll find out!
What advice would you give your future self?
You’ve got this!
How do you think women of your generation are perceived?
Who knows? That’s their business. ;)
Are there any myths you would like to bust about the over 40s? If so, can you tell us about them?
You don’t need to go through any kind of portal of aging or irrelevance when you reach 40. You can be just as fabulous as you are. You’ll probably be more fabulous!
What advice do you have to offer to those who are approaching mid life or those that are in mid life and perhaps struggling with it.
I’d start right where you are, loving yourself inside your fears and your worries. The more love you can bring to yourself as you are, how you are — the more you make room for what is true and beautiful about you to shine through.
Do you have a favourite book to recommend?
Anything by Marina Tsvetaeva, Anything by David Whyte
Pu$$y: A reclamation by Regena Thomashauer (aka Mama Gena)
Do you have a favourite quote to share?
Women are the single greatest untapped natural resource on the planet.
Regena Thomashauer
Start close in,
don’t take the second step
or the third,
start with the first
thing
close in,
the step
you don’t want to take.
David Whyte
How did the 40/40 project experience affect you personally?
There was a point during the reveal that I just teared up. There was such love in the way Shawnalee viewed me through the lens. Even though I’ve worked through a lot of body issues, all those imperfections I saw just kind of became part of the landscape of my beauty as I looked at myself through her eyes. I think it’s the kind of project that allows you to let more love in, that teaches you how to receive.
Thank you so much for chatting today Krista and sharing about your incredible journey of discovery.
For those interested in learning more about Krista’s work. Please click the following link: https://kristaconnerly.com