As we move through life beyond 40, change becomes a constant companion.
Some of it beautiful. Some of it brutal. Careers shift, bodies evolve, relationships deepen—or fall away. It’s a season of questions, of clarity, of becoming.
In my work as a photographer and storyteller, I’m passionate about capturing the strength, softness, complexity, and truth of women over 40. This project celebrates that transformation, one honest portrait and one powerful conversation at a time.
Please join me as I interview a remarkable woman whose story is rich with reinvention, resilience, and radical self-love. From surviving narcissistic abuse to becoming a mental health therapist, from body dysmorphia to body reverence, from activism to artistry—her journey is the kind of narrative we don’t hear often enough. But we should.
Hi Jill, I’m so happy that you are here with us today. Tell us a little about your origin story.
I was born a Tuesday’s Child, full of grace in the year 1973, my brother’s 4th birthday, in a small town in rural Kansas. The doctor celebrated his own birthday by delivering me. May Day was in full bloom, indeed.
What was your life like growing up? What dreams and goals did you have for your life when you left High School?
Fortunately, my family left Kansas for Portland months before I turned 2, sparing me from a small town Midwestern upbringing which would not have suited me at all. We were a lower- to middle-middle class family of 4 with a cat. I doted on animals, played with my dollhouse, and took ballet, tap, and jazz when younger, then played cello in high school. I was extremely idealistic, and in high school was active in political activism as well as my obsession with Japan. While I did study Japanese language and that was much of my focus, I thought I would someday become the US Secretary of Education to make our system more developmentally appropriate. Needless to say, this did not happen for me or the country.
Name at least one outstanding experience you have had in your life. How did this or these events affect you?
Something much on my mind and in my heart recently is the time I spent volunteering in Ramallah, West Bank when I was 19 as a member of a Quaker youth workcamp. This shaped me in many ways, but perhaps most importantly it taught me that what we see in the news is never accurate and, therefore, our perceptions are not based on reality. I knew then in 1992 that Palestinians live with constant terrorism because for 6 weeks I got a tiny taste of it being harassed by soldiers and having a “sound bomb” fired by soldiers into the town square on an otherwise peaceful Saturday afternoon explode feet from my right ear, permanently damaging my hearing. But I was able to move more or less freely throughout the country (going to Gaza did require UN escort, however) while my Palestinian counterparts had to apply for government permission that wasn’t always granted to go on our field trips outside of the West Bank. Not only that, but the culture there isn’t what we are taught to believe. Palestinians just want to live in their homes and feel safe and experience autonomy, things we take for granted. And there was nothing remotely “terrorist” about any Palestinian I met.
Tell us when in your life, so far, that you have felt most confident?
Socially I felt most confident in my early 20s when I moved to Indianapolis where I found myself regarded as exotic and a hot commodity. Everyone seemed to know me and wanted to either befriend or date me. Being as how I had come through my teens with especially low self esteem and a serious case of body dysmorphia, rather than messing my ego up this was healing for me.
In general, however, I have never felt more confident in my life than now. I’ve been intentionally single for over a year, clearing out the voices of others who have diverted my flow away from my own river. I know who I am and what my value is. I have faith in my abilities despite being challenged by grad school and single coparenting more than any intellectual, professional, or interpersonal hurdles of the past. My friends and family are supportive and inspire me with their kindness and brilliance.
Was there a time in your life where you felt ‘stuck’, unable to find the energy or strength to move forward or to make a big change? If so, can you share what it was &/or what helped you get past this road block?
To be honest, being unstuck seems like the exception rather than the rule and has only come in the past couple years. My two marriages, the first to a mentally abusive narcissist and the second to a relatively kind but completely emotionally shutdown person, really held me back. Recovering from narcissistic abuse took several years. I finally found TRE (Tension/Trauma Releasing Exercises). Literally shaking out the trauma loop my nervous system had been in changed my life so significantly that I became a certified practitioner to teach others, ultimately setting me on my current professional path from bodyworker to mental health therapist.
What is the one piece of advice would you give your younger self?
You are more lovable and valuable than you think. Wait for love worthy of your value before you commit. But no harm in sampling in the meantime.
Present
How have your dreams and goals changed now that you are 40+
I’ve gotten a bit more practical by thinking about things like being able to retire, for example. At the same time, I aim higher because I look back and realize how much I settled in the past and ended up unfulfilled, unsupported, and unhappy. I realized that good enough isn’t good enough when it comes to one’s path. As a result, I ended my second marriage at 46 and started my Masters in Social Work program at 48.
Have your core values changed over time? What do you value now?
Not really. I feel fortunate to have been raised with values I still embrace: respect, simplicity, and peace.
Share an indulgence:
Lately it’s really nice lingerie. Tomboy on the outside, high femme on the inside.
How do other people describe you or see you?
I was a bit taken aback when it became multiple then many people who described me as “magic.” I guess it’s their word for my je ne sais quoi. People do generally find it hard to pigeonhole me, and yet that doesn’t seem to be off putting but rather intriguing to others.
What is your super power?
Taking in, synthesizing, and prioritizing a lot of information.
I also have an excellent sense of smell. This, however, can sometimes be a curse.
Can you share what your favourite part of your body is? Why?
My arms. Despite the decades, they never lost their dancerly grace.
Do you like being 40+?
Absolutely! My life has been one of slow and steady growth, so I am always the best version of me yet!
Has your relationship with yourself changed as you have gotten older? How?
Definitely. I used to suffer from so much angst and self-loathing. I truly love myself now because I quit commodifying myself and basing my value on others’ perceptions.
As a bodyworker I’ve come to see each body as both genius and imperfect, and mine is no different. For someone who experienced body dysmorphia for years, this insight has healed that younger part of me completely.
With MS I have also embraced my own mortality and have become more grateful and present as a result. Each day is a gift. My abilities may ebb and flow, and I can ride the waves and appreciate what my body can do day by day.
What are you passionate about now? Ie: career, volunteer work, hobbies, how you spend your time. Please describe and include any links that you would like to share. Alternatively, If you are challenged in some way and unable to do what you love/wish to do, please share.
I graduated with my MSW June [2024]. My focus: the intersection of trauma, disability, and poverty. The passion that drives this stems from a hope for humanity that we can break cycles of generational trauma and evolve as a species before it’s too late (if it’s not already).
I’m also inspired by my own MS to help people with chronic illness and/or disabilities because so many people don’t understand what those with chronic conditions experience. My excitement and passion in this field just helped me land my first job as a mental health therapist.
Future
What goals/ambitions/dreams would you like to be working on that you haven’t had the opportunity to start on yet?
I was so kindly gifted a small kiln a couple years ago. My project for this summer is to turn my shed into a clay studio. Clay has always been my favorite medium for my own creative work aside from dance. I’ve always connected with hands on, kinesthetic, somatic arts.
I also took a vow of poverty for 3 years by being in grad school. I am looking forward to taking my son on a vacation somewhere fun! In general, I am looking forward to having an income above the poverty line because it gets incredibly draining and offers no resources for fun. Luckily I am creative and resourceful.
What would the title of your book be? (this is an interesting one)
My manifesto:
Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: late stage Capitalism and its spiritual and mental costs
My memoir:
Walking Up the Down Escalator
What advice would you give your future self?
If not now, when?
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Perceptions & Advice
How do you think women of your generation are perceived?
Being in grad school with people younger than my bachelor’s degree has made me aware that people think of 50 as old. This is news to me! My own mother went back to school and started her career at 40, so I’ve never thought in terms of “old” or “too late.” We are ever-evolving, always growing, and I love that about being alive.
Are there any myths you would like to bust about the over 40s? If so, can you tell us about them?
I have noted that young people have a disdain for white women of my generation thinking we are the problem. I’m the first to look for my part in any situation and work to learn and grow from it, but I just don’t see it in this case. Maybe it’s the people I know, but Gen X women are punk AF and have been breaking barriers young women can’t even fathom existed only decades ago.
What advice do you have to offer to those who are approaching mid life or those that are in mid life and perhaps struggling with it.
Spend your money, time, and heart wisely and save as much as you can for yourself before giving it away.
Is there anything you wish to say (observations, concerns etc) about women’s rights in this time?
Do you have a favourite book to recommend?
The Body Keeps the Score - Bessel van der Kolk
Catching the Big Fish - David Lynch
Do you have a favourite quote to share?
To serve is beautiful, but only if it is done with joy and a whole heart. - Pearl S. Buck
If you are free, you need to free somebody else. If you have power, then your job is to empower somebody else. - Toni Morrison
How did your experience with the Women Over 40 Annual Portraits and Story Project affect you?
Would you recommend this project to other women over 40? Why?
