She came into the world on her own terms—and never stopped. From a childhood marked by resilience and responsibility to a life shaped by hard work and quiet strength, her journey is one of perseverance, growth, and rediscovery. Now in midlife, she reflects on the lessons learned, the passions rediscovered, and the freedom found in finally putting herself first. This is her story—
Hi Grace! So happy to have you here Let’s begin at the beginning. When were you born? Do you have a birth story?
I was born on a Tuesday in 1973 at home in a small blue house on SE 35th Ave. -just off Hawthorne in Portland. My mom said she waited all day to go into labor, then gave up and went out for Mexican food up the street. After eating she went into labor, I was born 45 minutes later. She had a midwife and a chiropractor present, in those days chiropractors were certified to attend home births, but midwives were not…He sat in the living room and played guitar, leaving the midwife to do her work. My father was not there.
What was your life like growing up? What dreams and goals did you have for your life when you left High School?
My childhood was challenging, I grew up with 3 siblings and a solo parent. We lived in New Mexico, there was no child support enforcement. Poverty caused a lot of hardship for all of us. I started working under the table when I was 8, I was “officially working” at the age of 12. My mom had health problems for years, I helped take care of my younger brothers, and helped run my moms home food production business. My freshman year of high school my mom became completely disabled, I dropped out of school to help keep her business in operation. I did what needed to be done to keep our family housed.
After a couple years of on again off again high school it became clear to me that I needed to get away from the situation so that I could finish high school. There was an opportunity to move to Portland to live with my biological father, whom I had only met two times, so I went for it. I finished high school in Portland.
My dream when I left high school was to go to college to study art. I was accepted to a good college, but took a gap year and life got in the way…A couple years later I was planning to study fine arts in Boston, but once again life got in the way. I enrolled in classes at PSU and over 10 years put myself through school, I did not major in art…
Name at least one outstanding experience you have had in your life. How did this or these events affect you?
I have always worked, always, physically demanding exhausting work. The Covid-19 pandemic caused the mandatory closure of our restaurant, an outside power that I could not override forced me to stop.
There was a part of me, my physical self, that was calm for the first time in my life, but my emotional self was alarmed, uneasy, restless, to the point of panic. I broke out in shingles.
Eventually the forced work stoppage led me to the realization that I derive my self worth from the fact that I can work hard, I show up and get the job done. In my early 20s I allowed this need to prove my worthiness through work to take over. I suppressed my creative artist self so I could work more.
The most remarkable part of this experience was finding peace with the way I am. I forgave myself for putting my artistic self away. I recognized that I had to put aside my creative self, until I had the time to give it my full attention. I came to understand that the choices I made in my 20s were necessary. Now, I know that when I am ready, I can reconnect to my artistic creative self. I can change, I can get back there, to my art, but for now I must work.
When in your life, so far, have you felt most confident and why?
I feel most confident now. I feel I have done a good job providing for my family, I have a good relationship with myself and my loved ones. I also feel that I have worked through a lot of my childhood trauma and emotional issues which allows me the freedom to make decisions based on the facts rather than my emotional reaction to the issue at hand.
Was there a time in your life where you felt ‘stuck’, unable to find the energy or strength to move forward or to make a big change? If so, can you share what it was &/or what helped you get past this road block?
I suffered with endometriosis for a very long time. The relentless chronic pain made me feel demoralized, hopeless, frustrated, sad. When I finally got a hysterectomy, I was relieved of the chronic pain and my entire experience of existence changed.
What is the one piece of advice would you give your younger self?
Go for it. Don't be afraid to try. Don’t listen to the adults who are telling you that your aspirations and goals won’t produce a “marketable skill”. Do what you love now, because you’ll never have as much inspiration, energy, and time as you do in this moment.
Present
How have your dreams and goals changed now that you are 40+
I am very close to the point in my life where I feel I will be able to prioritize my aspirations and desires. This is a change for me because I put those away while I worked to support my family…
Update: When I began responding to these questions I was in a very different place, even though it was less than a year ago. I have made a major life change. I stopped working! Well, not completely, but I have stopped working endless hours in our restaurant. I am taking extra care to recognize and break away from patterns and behaviors that grew out of necessity. I am now in the process of learning how to take advantage of this new way of being. I am learning that I have time, time to explore, time to build, time to sleep, time to enjoy this life.
Have your core values changed over time? What do you value now?
No, I have always valued friendships, relationships with family, honesty, humor, perseverance, hard work, and morally sound actions and decisions.
Share an indulgence:
Getting a hotel room that overlooks the ocean, having a fire and leaving the door open all night so I can hear and feel the waves crash.
How do other people describe you or see you?
Reliable, steadfast, funny, intimidating
What is your superpower?
Forgiveness, but like any superpower it comes with its drawbacks.
Can you share what your favorite part of your body is? Why?
I like my feet and ankles, especially in the summer when they get tan from being outside barefoot.
Do you like being 40+?
I think being older does allow for more of a feeling of not giving a shit, at the same time it sucks to feel invisible, and treated as though my lived experience is irrelevant or outdated.
Has your relationship with yourself changed as you have gotten older? How?
I’m more forgiving of myself. I know I am doing the best I can in the moment, and I have done the best I could in the past.
What are you passionate about now? Ie: career, volunteer work, hobbies, how you spend your time.
I feel that as a survival mechanism I have numbed myself to strong feelings in general. I guess I am passionate about making sure that the children that I am responsible for get their needs met, the result of this is that I have put a lot of myself away for later.
…us older ladies did everything you can imagine, and more, plus we did it before it was cool, or even legal.
Future
What goals/ambitions/dreams would you like to be working on that you haven’t had the opportunity to start on yet?
I would like to have time to work on my creative ideas.
What would the title of your book be? (this is an interesting one)
Nobody’s Daughter…Very short stories with Illustrations
What advice would you give your future self?
Go for it !
Perceptions / Advice
How do you think women of your generation are perceived?
I think we are judged by our appearance and then dismissed as old and outdated. Some younger people fail to recognize that us older ladies did everything you can imagine, and more, plus we did it before it was cool, or even legal.
What advice do you have to offer to those who are approaching mid life or those that are in mid life and perhaps struggling with it.
You are the youngest you’ll ever be, don't rush through it, aging is a privilege.
Do you have a favorite book to recommend?
Just Kids, by Patti Smith
Do you have a favorite quote to share?
“Dearly beloved
We are gathered here today
To get through this thing called life…”
Anything else to add?
“Wow! I’m sure glad I participated in this project when I did. So much has changed. Reading my interview reminded me about a huge part of my life I was able to leave behind. In the year since I gave up restaurant ownership my family moved, we sold our home and my youngest daughter completed her first year of college in New York. Best of all my husband and I spent months traveling around Europe by train…it has been a wonderful year! “
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your incredible story.
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