Where were you born?
I was born in Toronto. My father’s family has lived there for generations. I grew up in New Hampshire, and sometimes wonder what my life would have been like had we stayed in Toronto. Not just the difference between growing up in a big city versus a small town, but what it would have been like to live surrounded by extended family and family history. My aunt is a historian, and has done a ton of genealogical research. I feel kind of disconnected from it having been so removed from the place.
What was your life like growing up? What dreams and goals did you have for your life when you left High School?
Go far away and have adventures!
What is the one piece of advice would you give your younger self?
Just let go. If I’d recognized what a huge role anxiety played in my actions and reactions I might have had an easier time of almost everything!
Name at least one outstanding experience you have had in your life. How did this or these events affect you?
I spent a semester in Kenya when I was in college. I really learned the importance of spending time in a foreign culture. I also realized that I wasn’t going to be the carefree traveler I’d hoped to become. Just not wired that way!
When in your life, so far, have you felt most confident and why?
Right now. Some aspects of my life are definitely not the way I want them to be, but I’m more confident than ever before that I can change my circumstances. A huge confidence boost has been spending so much time with my young adult daughters over the past couple of years. We are so close and they are so incredible. I can’t take too much credit for the people they are, but I’m so proud of the way we relate to one another.
How have your dreams and goals changed now that you are 40+?
I’ve accepted that some doors are closed. There just isn’t time and space to do and be and experience every single thing, so I’m more selective. I won’t say that I always spend my precious energy on meaningful things, but I’m a lot better at boundaries. I’ve gone from building a beautiful nest to tearing it down. At this point I want to be unencumbered.
Have your core values changed over time? What do you value now?
I’m more focused on kindness than justice. Maybe because spreading kindness is so easy and providing justice is out of my hands. Honestly I don’t think my core values have really changed.
Share an indulgence:
I sleep until I wake up. I almost never use an alarm clock and have arranged my life so I don’t need to be anywhere early in the day. My mornings are slow and solitary.
How do other people to describe you or see you?
No idea!
Can you share what your favourite part of your body is? Why?
My hands. I like the way they look. They’re on the small side but strong and capable. I can do almost anything with them - build, create, soothe, fix.
Do you like being 40+?
Yes and no. I mean, it’s where I am, right? No going back. It’s kind of relaxing to be a woman in her 50’s - no one really notices us and I’m not trying to impress anyone. I do wish I had the stamina of my younger self! When I see a hot young couple I sometimes get a twinge. :) But I’ve always been okay with aging. I like turning to a new decade. The evens seem to have been the best for me - I look forward to turning 60.
How has your relationship with yourself changed as you have gotten older?
I’m more accepting. What once seemed like flaws now just seem like aspects of my personality. I used to feel this tension between wanting to be unique and wanting to fit in. Now I just celebrate the parts of me that work well and try to improve the ones that make life more difficult. Like procrastination - how many months did it take to get to this questionnaire? :)
What goals/ambitions/dreams would you like to be working on that you haven’t had the opportunity to start on yet?
I’ve always been a writer in hiding. I want to work on being the best writer I can possibly be and I want to get my words out into the world. I’m making that a priority. I want to try being more of a nomad. I might hate it! But it might be the best thing ever. I’m determined to at least try it.
What advice would you give your future self?
Take excellent care of your body! It’s easy to get lazy and take for granted that you’ll always have mobility. Spend more time doing the things that will make you feel good, even if they’re not always all that appealing - like putting in the time at the gym, cooking really great healthy food, getting enough sleep.
“I think you’ve got to look yourself in the eye and let everything else fall away. I’m trying really hard to do that.”"
How do you think women of your generation are perceived?
Terrible! Middle-aged white women in particular are reviled and belittled. I think we know ourselves to be a force to be reckoned with. When I was in my 40’s I realized that women between 30-60 (ish) run the world - they just don’t get much credit for it.
Are there any myths you would like to bust about the over 40s? If so, can you tell us about them?
We’re not all youth-obsessed. We’re a lot less interested in your opinions than you think we are. (Looking at you, middle-aged men.) We can be a little tricky - we’ll find a way to make the decisions and let everyone else think they’re in charge.
Have you ever felt 'stuck' or unable to make a big change but eventually did? Can you share this personal experience and what it was that helped you actually do it?
Yes! I had a job that I HATED. It was so stressful and unpleasant that it was making me sick. It was also the first time I felt like I was actually making enough money to support my family without constant money stress. I finally recognized that living in misery isn’t worth any amount of money. And I realized that while I’d never made the kind of money I wanted to, I’d always kept a roof over our heads and food on the table, and I’d be able to do it again.
What advice do you have to offer to those who are approaching mid life or those that are in mid life and perhaps struggling with it.
Try to let go of expectations. You’re going to get older, your body is going to change, your memory will start to abandon you! But you get other things in exchange. Do the things you like doing, not the things you think you should be doing.
Do you have a favourite book to recommend?
Ha! Reading is my passion - I read or listen to 80-100 books per year. Hard to pick a favorite! Recently I’ve been reading a lot of memoirs, often by middle-aged women.I love to learn about lives that are different than mine. If I absolutely had to name a favorite I’d probably say Harriet the Spy.
Do you have a favourite quote to share?
One that I love is: You can have it all, just not all at once. It’s often attributed to Oprah - I’ve done a deep dive to see if I can pinpoint its provenance, but I think a lot of people have expressed it in similar terms. (I hate misattribution.)
Is there anything else you would like to add?
I love that you’re doing this project. The way you photograph women is the way I want to write about them. The perceived flaws that are really beauty marks. The fierce joy in being yourself with no filter. It is HARD to be true to yourself as a woman in this world. It’s like walking through a house full of fun-house mirrors. I think you’ve got to look yourself in the eye and let everything else fall away. I’m trying really hard to do that.
Thank you for taking the time to share Julia!
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