What year were you born? Do you have anything to share about the event?

1972. Wednesday. My mother had been in the hospital for a month because she was so sick. She said she was going stir crazy and was actually helping the staff clean! Can you imagine?? My dad was playing a baseball game when he got the call and was an hour’s drive away and said he high tailed it as fast as he could! We lived in Fairbanks, AK at the time.

What was your life like growing up? What dreams and goals did you have for your life when you left High School?

I was a military brat so I moved every 2 -3 years. I didn’t know any other way! I found it strange to discover that some people never leave the town they were born in! Again, I didn’t know any different but I absolutely loved it. Especially when we lived in Germany in the 80’s. We traveled SO MUCH and I was really active with a youth group. The world was different then, safer (it seems) and I had a lot of fun and epic travel adventures!

I wanted to open an International Import/Export business, specializing in Venetian Glass and Masks. Definitely knew that traveling and exploring and learning by traveling was in my blood. A Vagabond Heart.

What is the one piece of advice would you give your younger self?

Baby girl, other people’s pain is not for yours to carry. Don’t ever forget that it’s never about you. Stay light, shine bright, you’re a friggin’ rockstar. Your body is a miracle and be it’s best friend. Block out the noise.

Name at least one outstanding experience you have had in your life. How did this or these events affect you?

When I was hired by Faith Hill to be her personal massage therapist during her North American Tour. This was such a pivotal moment in my life! My craft & passion were validated on a very big level! This was the first time that I was asked what it would take for me to come out on the road with them. I gave them a figure and they came back with an even higher amount! Mind blowing for me, someone who was always in a cycle of undervaluing myself.

*“You are here to shine bright. Do it, unapologetically.”*

When in your life, so far, have you felt most confident and why?

Probably at that same time, when I was on tour with Faith. I was valued, compensated and respected. The gift of touch that I honor and cherish so much, was seen by someone whom I deeply respect and admire. I felt like I was in my stride, finally.

How have your dreams and goals changed now that you are 40+?

Now that I have children, my dreams have morphed to include them. My goals are more INWARD focused, building strong character and resilience. Self-compassion and self-reverence and passing that on to my children.

Have your core values changed over time? What do you value now?

I value consistency. Communication. Integrity. I think in my younger years, my values were more permeable.

Share an indulgence:

When my ex has my children for 4-5 days, I shut completely down. No phone, no social media, no email, no text, no contact. And I do what ever the fuck I want. And that normally consists of wiping my calendar completely clean, sleeping in as long as I possibly can, taking baths, binge watching my shows, eating well, drinking if I wanna, repeat.

How do other people to describe you or see you?

Courageous, resilient, kind, generous, thoughtful, welcoming, a bright light, funny.

What is your super power?

Badassness. Ha! But seriously, raising twins on my own for over ½ their lives now, IN A PANDEMIC without losing my mind. Instead of falling into insanity, I’m finding myself recalibrating in spite of it.

Can you share what your favourite part of your body is? Why?

I love my eyebrows, my jawline. I feel that they add to my drama-queenness & expressiveness. And lately, I am loving my curves. I haven’t always. (#fuckthepatriachary!) My twins have said things to me like, “Mommy you’re fat! Your belly looks like you are pregnant. Why are you so fluffy & squishy?”

And I just noticed my reaction. Red-Faced, defensive, flooded with all the shame and voices & backstories which has led to a lifetime of being at war with myself in one way shape or form. BUT. These are my children. They have nothing to do with my backstories & insecurities. I CANNOT RESPOND LIKE I NORMALLY DO WHEN I HEAR SHIT LIKE THAT. It’s MY job right now to teach them how to really love themselves and how to shift this narrative. I say things like “my body is a miracle. And so is yours! My body grew both of you, AT THE SAME TIME! Our bodies move us and let us dance and jump and play and everyone’s looks different! We are all miracles!” (and then I secretly cry a little in the bathtub!)

But. Lately I’ve heard my daughter say, “my body is a MIRACLE!”

And it’s all worth it.

Do you like being 40+?

Love it. I feel grateful that I get the chance…

Why did I do this project?

I wanted to flip the script for myself. I'm turning 50 this summer. Who am I NOW? Looking back over my life, my chapters, my sorrows, my joys. What my body has survived, endured and thrived through. And the fact that I am so much more than my body! And my wish to own agency over myself, me and me alone! To be unaffected from the negative messaging that floods us from the moment we are born, greets us daily in ways that we are not even cognizant of. To erase the internal recording of all the shaming, bullying, judging nicknames from coaches, colleagues, friends, family, lovers and strangers.

This was an unpacking of ALL the bullshit. Standing naked, literally and figuratively, in a world that doesn't fully embrace the whole person...well, to that I say NOT ANY MORE. I AM HERE. And I am not apologizing. I am standing proud. I am celebrating every curve, every scar, every story and every day that this earth suit gets to be here.

What goals/ambitions/dreams would you like to be working on that you haven’t had the opportunity to start on yet?

I am fascinated with flamenco dance and want to give it a whirl! I want to publish a literary piece I’m very proud of…I dream of what it will feel like when my cardiohealth is in primo shape!

What advice would you give your future self?

You are here to shine bright. Do it, unapologetically.

How do you think women of your generation are perceived?

Self-sufficient, independent, dynamic, powerful.

I think in this day and age things are starting to shift around aging (perhaps it’s the narrowed scope and vetted messaging that I let in!) but more and more are honoring the process of aging, letting our hair go naturally gray versus always fighting to keep it younger looking, taking better care of our mental health, our physical health, our emotional health. I do feel a more outpouring of communal love with other women in this age group.

Are there any myths you would like to bust about the over 40s? If so, can you tell us about them?

That libido goes away! Ha! Actually, I’m so grateful that I’m divorced and out of a sex-less marriage. I now have the opportunity to unlearn the dysfunctional relationship I had with my sexuality that only got worse within the confines of marriage. I now know that it’s not only ok, but it’s HEALTHY to be able to talk about pleasure and sex. That it’s not something we DO, it’s something we enjoy. I feel like I’m learning things about myself for the very first time in my life and that I actually have a shot at healing and actually having a healthy sex life, even if it’s only with myself!

What advice do you have to offer to those who are approaching mid life or those that are in mid life and perhaps struggling with it.

That it’s a gift so many aren’t afforded. Lean into it. We are the wise ones.