What year were you born? Do you have any details about that day?
I was born in 1983- I just turned 40!! Place of birth: Eugene Oregon, but our home was in Creswell, which is a very small town nearby. My parents didn’t tell me much about what was happening in the world on that day, but my birth was somewhat traumatic. I was rushed away because I was not breathing well. I eventually came back and everything seemed fine. As I got a little bigger it was clear things were not alright. I would gag when I ate and couldn't breathe well. I was tested for everything including Cystic fibrosis. These all came back negative. Eventually my pediatrician figured out what was going on. I was born with my esophagus and trachea wrapped together by cartilage. It was a simple defect, but I did have major surgery at 9 months old. How terrifying for a mother. Now that I am a mom I cannot imagine the worry of having a child who is ill or having major health issues.
What was your life like growing up? What dreams and goals did you have for your life when you left High School?
I had a very average childhood, I grew up in a small house in a small town. I could walk to each school from my house, the park was half a block away. We always felt safe in Creswell. Once I started playing volleyball that was all I did and wanted to do. My goals were to play volleyball in college. Things changed when I tore my ACL two weeks before my junior year season. I was out for 6 months and it was tough. Looking back I can say it was an experience that shaped me and made me stronger and I can also say I had a great childhood and my parents did an amazing job. Sometimes when I talk to people about my childhood, they are in disbelief that it was so average and boring. So many friends had divorced parents, or lived in poverty. I feel that having such a stable childhood, it helped me become a caring and trusted adult for students in my profession. I have the capacity to give love where it is needed, because my cup has always been full.
After high school I thought I wanted to be a nurse, but that quickly changed and I started a path of finding myself.
Name at least one outstanding experience you have had in your life. How did this or these events affect you?
I would say that earning my masters degree was an outstanding experience for me. I was never a great student, I was decent. I never really loved school either, I was mostly there to be social and play sports. After high school it took me a long time to find my path, but once I earned my degree in psychology, I went onto my masters which I am so proud of. I did it myself!! I was the strong, independent, educated and career driven woman that I wanted to be. I was the only person in my family with this level of education. I believe this affected me in the way I view myself and also how I can represent myself to my family and now my daughters. I did some real soul searching and found the woman I want to be, while in grad school.
When in your life, so far, have you felt most confident and why?
I think I feel most confident when I am with my children. I feel at peace when we are together hanging out or snuggling. When they need me and I can be there, I feel confident in everything to do with them. But also now, being 40! I feel great. I have a career I enjoy, kids who are amazing, a spouse who supports me. I have worked hard for this and I am enjoying it.
Was there a time in your life where you felt ‘stuck’, unable to find the energy or strength to move forward or to make a big change? If so, can you share what it was &/or what helped you get past this road block?
When I was in my early 20’s I felt very stuck. I did not know what I wanted to do with my future, I was bouncing around from job to job just kind of hanging out with no purpose. I started coaching volleyball which got my spark going a little bit. That pushed me to go back to school and I continued to coach all the way through earning my masters.
What is the one piece of advice you would give your younger self?
I would tell my younger self to try more adventurous things, go places and do things that scare you.
How have your dreams and goals changed now that you are 40+?
Now that I am 40, my goals are more geared to my family rather than myself. Everything that I do, is in direct relation to my girls and how I can be a role model for them. I also am very aware of how quickly time goes by so I want to spend as much time as possible just hanging with them. I look forward to our summers together. There are so few before they go off and start their own life, I just want to go on adventures with them and make memories.
How do other people describe you or see you?
It shocked me one night to hear a friend say that I am the one to always have it together. I have never felt like that person, but I think now I am viewed as confident and bold. I am typically the person that tells it how it is. I also started a new job (same job, new building) this year and I came in with confidence. People viewed me and talked to me like I was an expert. It turns out, I am.
I am not afraid to ask questions and push back. It is something that as a woman, it takes a lot of practice to do. I can remember when I was a wildland firefighter for 4 summers and I soon realized that it was not the profession for me. I always felt like people did not listen to me, because I was the woman, I was not the trusted or respected male. I also find it interesting how this dynamic looks so vastly different depending on the professional setting.
What is your super power?
My super power is working with teenagers. I tend to build relationships quickly and kids tell me things. I feel like a superhero when a student tells me how much I have helped or how our relationship has had a positive effect.
Can you share what your favourite part of your body is? Why?
I go back and forth…. I think my eyes are my favorite part, they are just a pretty color.
Do you like being 40+?
I love being 40. I mean it is brand new to me, but everyone says it is the best decade. When I turned 30 I just felt different, more confident and I did not care what others thought about me. Now at 40 that is just amplified, I am more confident at work and I am looked to as a source of experience and I like that.
Has your relationship with yourself changed as you have gotten older? How?
Yes, I love myself more and I am not so hard on myself. I am okay being alone, which I did not used to feel like. I feel like a fierce presence when I am out in the world, whether with my family or alone. How I act, how I talk and how I view things will all be seen by my children and I want them to look at me as a good role model.
What are you passionate about now? Ie: career, volunteer work, hobbies, how you spend your time. Please describe and include any links that you would like to share. Alternatively, If you are challenged in some way and unable to do what you love/wish to do, please share.
I am passionate about my career (school counselor) but I also realize I work to live, I do not live to work. My family is my number 1 passion. This last summer I spent nearly every day with my girls, we went camping, shopping, to the beach, swimming, all sorts of things. We had a blast and I can’t wait to do it again next summer. Other hobbies are riding quads around our property, coaching volleyball, going out on the boat. I also love good wine. Because my body is not as young as it once was, I do not play sports anymore so I have had to redefine what hobbies look like for me. I know there will be phases in my life where this changes.
What goals/ambitions/dreams would you like to be working on that you haven’t had the opportunity to start on yet?
I would love to find a new hobby or activity, something that is just for me and not for my family. I am up for the challenge of trying new things and making myself uncomfortable in the hopes to grow and change. I also really want to travel more. There are so many places I have not been, even in the U.S. I would like to take my daughters to see the world as well.
How do you think women of your generation are perceived?
I think women of my generation have it really hard. We were raised by women who were housewives, so we saw that, but everywhere else we went, we were told we could be anything we wanted when we grew up. Well we wanted the job but we also wanted to have a family. I think we took it all on and gave up nothing. Women in my generation are powerful and somehow manage it all. We work hard and are successful at our careers and then we raise successful children and do it all with a smile on our face.
Are there any myths you would like to bust about the over 40s? If so, can you tell us about them?
I can’t wait to find out.
What advice do you have to offer to those who are approaching mid life or those that are in mid life and perhaps struggling with it.
Feel fortunate that you get the opportunity to age. I am happy to be alive and will love everyday, even the bad ones.
Do you have a favourite book to recommend?
The Subtle Art to Not Giving a Fuck.
Do you have a favourite quote to share?
If you obey all the rules, you’ll miss all the fun. ~ Katharine Hepburn
How did the 40 Women Over 40 Photoshoot and Story project affect you personally? Would you recommend it to others?
The photoshoot was really hard to prepare for mentally, I mean I have never enjoyed having my picture taken and now it was all about me. When we first started, I felt kind of strange, but as I got into it, things were easier. By the end, it was fun. The reveal is what shocked me. I had every intention of just picking out the 8x10 photo and moving on. Halfway through the reveal I could feel my emotions starting to take over. I was crying, it was absolutely unbelievable. I realized I finally saw myself, the way I “see myself”. I could not have been happier with the photos and now I have something to always remind myself of this huge milestone in my life. I want to do it again at 60.
Yay!! So happy to hear about the positive impact this project had on you! I look forward to having you back! And thank you for taking the time to share about your life and where you are in this journey. Welcome to being 40!