What year were you born?
1979. Every year on my birthday, my parents love to tell me the story of my birth. It wasn’t anything too unusual as far as birth stories go, but it was really exciting for them. So they annually recount the story of my mom going into labor, and my dad taking her to the hospital and her giving birth to me!
What was your life like growing up? What dreams and goals did you have for your life when you left High School?
I have a younger sister and brother, and we were really close growing up. My family took a lot of road trips, which cemented our sibling relationships. When I left high school, I knew I wanted to explore bigger things in the world, although I wasn’t sure what. I love learning about people and places, and I still do.’
What is the one piece of advice would you give your younger self?
I would tell myself to be confident in my decisions. Sometimes in my life I have second-guessed myself. I now feel like I have usually made the best decision with the information and feelings and context that I had at the time. It’s okay to trust myself and my decision-making, knowing that I was doing the best that I could at any given moment.
Name at least one outstanding experience you have had in your life. How did this or these events affect you?
I studied abroad in Sevilla, Spain, my junior year of college, and it was transformational for me. I loved the challenge of learning a new language and learning to communicate with people in a new way. I loved the independence of living in a different country for a year. I loved developing relationships with my host family that grew into feelings of familiar care. It was really special to feel like I had created deep enough relationships with my host family that they truly felt like family to me. I also realized that I love learning about different cultural practices and histories. This awakened for me a curiosity about the world and about people, and I have taken that with me throughout my life.
How have your dreams and goals changed now that you are 40+?
My dreams and goals have changed partially as a result of age and partially as a result of a recent breast cancer diagnosis and treatment. Both of these experiences have inspired me to slow down and to see my life through a lens of gratitude. I am grateful for my relationships, for my body and for all of the experiences I have had in life. My dreams and goals now focus more on continuing to build and nourish relationships with family, friends and community. I have great goals of being of service to my community and of bringing something positive to my encounters with other people. I care less now about professional accolades and am working towards doing things because I want to do them not because I think that someone else wants me to do them - and not because I am seeking others’ validation. My goals also now center more on spending meaningful time with people I love and bringing light to them.
Have your core values changed over time? What do you value now?
I don’t think that my core values have changed over time. I have always felt deep compassion towards others and cared about social justice, and that is still strong in me. What has changed now is how I spend my time in approaching my goals. I am more intentional about what I do and how I spend my energy.
Share an indulgence:
Chocolate! :)
I love to read cookbooks and imagine all of the amazing flavors that can come together in a single meal.
How do other people to describe you or see you?
People describe and see me as someone who is positive, non-judgemental, steady and thoughtful. I have heard people describe me as positive and energetic and strong. Some of that has been said to me especially in the context of my cancer journey, which has been one of the silver linings of this experience. It has been really sweet to hear from people and learn more about what they appreciate about me. The kindest thing that dear friends and close family members have said about me is that I handle challenges with grace. The thought of approaching life with grace resonates with me, so it means a lot that others see me that way.
What is your super power?
My super power is empathy.
Can you share what your favourite part of your body is? Why?
I have always loved my breasts because they have meant so many different things at different points in my life. They have been part of my sexuality. They have nursed and fed my three kids. And yet, as part of my breast cancer treatment, I had a mastectomy that removed my left breast. This has led to great contemplation of what it means for me - as a woman, as a mother, as a sexual being - to have an asymmetrical body and to lose part of myself that I really loved. I have grieved this loss but have also been open to the wonder of it and my new body. I am changed. And I find freedom and joy in my changed body. I am finding new curiosity about who I am and how I perceive myself. Clothing fits differently. I feel different when I walk and when I run. And I am letting the waves of different emotions be okay. I am okay feeling loss for my left breast sometimes and awe for my beautiful new scar other times.
Do you like being 40+?
Yes. I like where I am in my life and the wisdom I have accrued throughout my life - still recognizing that I am always learning about myself. There is more to learn and more to experience.
How has your relationship with yourself changed as you have gotten older?
I’ve always been confident in who I am, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve also wanted to explore more of who I am. I have worked to do things like lean into conflict - which my younger self would have avoided assiduously - and understand the family patterns that shape my responses to things. In some ways I’ve challenged myself more as I’ve gotten older, knowing that it’s okay to step outside of my comfort zone because I trust myself and know that doing so will help me grow and be a better me.
What goals/ambitions/dreams would you like to be working on that you haven’t had the opportunity to start on yet?
I’d really love to work more on making a positive difference in the world. I already do some of that through my teaching and research, but I would love to find other ways to be involved with social justice organizations that are creating positive impacts in the world.
What advice would you give your future self?
Appreciate every moment and be in awe of the world around you.
Are there any myths you would like to bust about the over 40s? If so, can you tell us about them?
I feel stronger in my 40s that I have felt at other points in my life. I have gone through big life challenges - physical and emotional - and I feel stronger for it. I think sometimes people think of those over 40 as getting less strong, but there is a strength that comes with the accumulation of experiences. Making sense of those experiences and also just letting those experiences be within us makes us stronger.
What advice do you have to offer to those who are approaching mid life or those that are in mid life and perhaps struggling with it.
I have found it really helpful to engage in a practice that allows for self-reflection. For me this has been yoga, meditation and work with a fantastic therapist. All of this work has helped me get through challenging times and see myself for who I am. It has helped me figure out my priorities and work towards living a life that values those priorities. I know, for example, that I am a better mother, partner, teacher and friend, when I challenge myself to not avoid all conflict. When I can speak my truth to myself and to others, I can open up channels of communication that allow me to work through all kinds of issues with the people I care about. But I wouldn’t be able to do that without self–work and self-reflection.
Do you have a favourite book to recommend?
Anything by Louise Erdrich (some favorites are Round House, The Night Watchman and The Sentence)
Sing Unburied Sing, by Jesmyn Ward
Thank you for taking the time to share Sarah!
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