Please welcome EB. Sharing what she deeply values and the strides she has taken to remain open and listen to her inner voice. And to follow that voice despite the difficulty. Her story is an inspiration to us all. Please read on to find out more…
What year were you born?
I was born in 1970 - the day of fall equinox, and last day of Virgo.
What was your life like growing up? What dreams and goals did you have for your life when you left High School?
I grew up with very supportive parents. My mom instilled in me the belief that I really can do anything I put my mind to, and I still believe that whole-heartedly. When I left high school, I knew that I wanted to spend a good deal of time living in other countries, which I have done - living in China, Taiwan, The Gambia, Eritrea, Ethiopia and Indonesia.
Name at least one outstanding experience you have had in your life. How did this or these events affect you?
While studying abroad in China, my junior year of college, I took my spring break solo, and headed to the fairly rural, Huangshan Mountain range. My language skills were meager and I was 20 years old. I learned that I can rely on myself, even though I was disoriented in all ways. I learned that there are lots of ways to communicate and connect with others. During that time I befriended three Chinese travelers - a teenage girl, an opera singer in his mid-20s, and an elderly artist who painted mountain landscapes with the edge of his thumb. I learned that making a heart connection and being present with others can be a powerful tool for grounding in a place, and in accessing one’s strength to accomplish something like climbing a mountain.
When in your life, so far, have you felt most confident and why?
I feel confident in who I am, particularly with regard to my life energy, my ability to be with others using unconditional positive regard. Whether personally or professionally (as a teacher/coach), it feels deeply connecting to me to convey a sense of “I’ve got you, I see you, you’re okay as you are.”
Also, I generally see myself as a badass. I like it when I’m given the opportunity to convey this confidence, while at the same time not diminishing others, which is partly why I’m drawn to this project.
I am not great at everything. Not at all. But I want to continue to learn to use my gifts and my power (both earned & unearned) to really make a difference in this world.
Was there a time in your life where you felt ‘stuck’, unable to find the energy or strength to move forward or to make a big change? If so, can you share what it was &/or what helped you get past this road block?
I have recently broken through the “stuckness” of understanding and expressing my sexuality. I was married to a (wonderful) man for 25 years, thinking that I was bisexual, but monogamous. Between marriage counseling and my recent empty-nester status, I recently came to terms with the fact that I’m not bisexual - I’m gay.
That’s a really big un-stucking, to stay the least. It took a lot of courage to decouple from my marriage, particularly because I’m self-employed. But I found reserves of bravery that I didn’t know existed, and created a path to be more authentically me. Now over the initial hump, I am finding that I can be more self-reliant. And although it’s sometimes scary, especially with regard to finances and future, I can tell that I am growing stronger. And I like that.
I am experiencing freedom that I honestly didn’t know existed, and it’s making me really happy. Coming out at 52 years old has been a really exciting, rewarding adventure, and I love it. I love stepping into this truer version of myself - it makes me feel more alive and more aware of everything around me.
What helped me get unstuck, was being willing to let my identity shift. The empty-nest element started the ball rolling, and I continued with that momentum. I believe in impermanence, so I had to lean into that, and remember that this is reality. It’s when we deny reality that we cause greater suffering, for ourselves and for others.
What is the one piece of advice would you give your younger self?
I would tell my younger self to listen more closely to your inner self. Get into therapy and stay there. I always loved therapy. I would have benefited from doing it consistently over a lifetime. If I were to have been in therapy, I think I would have have quit drinking earlier in life (I quit 4.5 years ago) and that I would have come to understand my sexuality. (But better late than never!)
The Present
How have your dreams and goals changed now that you are 40+
My life goals shifted some in 2023 - creating a greater focus on personal strength - both physically and financially. In both cases, I’m working to shift small habits and practices, being more intentional to create a foundation on which I can feel more grounded and supported by my own efforts.
I know that I have a lot of support among my friends and family, for which I’m so grateful. And the need to be more financially independent is real. I had devoted a good deal of my life force to mothering and community work. I am learning how to create a more stable financial future on my own. And that has shifted from utterly daunting to happening bit-by-bit, increasing my financial literacy and opportunities.
Otherwise, my goals haven’t really changed - I continually strive to live in my dharma (life purpose). For me, this means supporting people to live their lives with more connection, more ease and more personal empowerment through teaching people movement and meditation practices and life/health coaching.
Have your core values changed over time? What do you value now?
My values haven’t really changed over time. My work has included quite a lot of exploration of values. Mmmm. That said, I did de-prioritize sexual/sensual life. So, now I’m letting that value rise to the top. I’m not sure what that value would be… need to give it some thought. Is sexual expression a value? If so, a related value statement might read, “I value my ability to be a sexual being, and to shed my hetero-normative conditioning.”
Share an indulgence:
Dancing is my very favorite thing to do. About four years ago I learned how to lead dance fitness. It brings me so much joy, I almost can’t stand it!
How do other people to describe you or see you?
Compassionate, smart, powerful, comfortable with vulnerability of self and others.
What is your super power?
Love is my super-power. And when I say ‘Love,” I mean the divine-Love sense of love. I use it for connection with people across all spectrums of life. I lead movement & meditation in low-income health and housing environments. I see divinity in every person.
To me, it’s a gift to be in relation with people experiencing so many varied challenges of being human, whether that is drug/alcohol addiction and recovery, living through the challenges and opportunities of aging, coping with the impacts of white supremacy, patriarchy and capitalism. All people’s challenges are real and significant. And when we can share these experiences with one another, it helps us know that we are not alone, and we’re not “doing it wrong,” we’re just human, doing our best.
Can you share what your favourite part of your body is? Why?
My eyes. I think I have pretty, but also expressive eyes. My eyes can convey care to others, and can help people feel safe. They convey presence and respect. My eyes are an important part of my communication.
Do you like being 40+?
I love being the age that I am (now 53). I love living on my own and experiencing the freedom of choosing how to live this one, precious life. I love having the perspective that comes from being around the block a time or two, AND to have the humility to know that there is so much to experience and learn.
That said, it sometimes throws me a curve ball. I’m fighting the urge to battle with my wrinkles. It didn’t matter to me while I was married, but now it does some. I’m trying to not buy into the constant anti-aging marketing targeted to women. It’s incessant, and sometimes it creeps into my psyche.
Has your relationship with yourself changed as you have gotten older? How?
I am surprised by how much I keep discovering about myself. I thought I was self-aware, but I really do continue to discover so much about myself, year after year, especially since I quit drinking in 2019. This is truly humbling, but it has really served as an opportunity to feel more fully alive and to increase my sense of wonder about the human experience.
What are you passionate about now? Ie: career, volunteer work, hobbies, how you spend your time. Please describe and include any links that you would like to share. Alternatively, If you are challenged in some way and unable to do what you love/wish to do, please share.
I am very passionate about my work, which is sharing yoga, movement and meditation practices with non-conventional populations. I teach in low-income health & housing environments, including addiction treatment centers. And my (now online) yoga studio helps people overcome barriers to movement, whether they be pain, body-image, age, ability, or even being short on time. My studio is for people who think they can’t do yoga/movement, or for those who just want to feel better and need some support.
To learn more, please check out our work at www.unfoldportland.com. We have small, personalized livestream yoga, fitness and wellness classes, for individuals and corporate wellness programs.
Future
What goals/ambitions/dreams would you like to be working on that you haven’t had the opportunity to start on yet?
I am changing my relationship to money, specifically, reducing my scarcity mentality about money. I can see now how I have avoided making difficult decisions that prioritize financial security, but I can also see that it’s not too late. I am developing smarter systems and strategies that support my business, and therefore support me and the many people we serve.
What advice would you give your future self?
Keep believing in yourself and invest your time and attention where it matters, and stick with it. Follow through. Get support, talk with mentors and implement. Keep loving with your whole heart.
Perceptions & Advice
Are there any myths you would like to bust about the over 40s? If so, can you tell us about them?
It’s never too late:
To come out (including to yourself),
To embody your sexual being,
To late to be/feel sexy.
It’s never too late, and you’re worth it.
Do you have a favorite book to recommend?
You Belong, by Sebene Selassie
Do you have a favorite quote to share?
Anything that makes you weak, physically, intellectually, and spiritually, reject as poison. - Swami Vivekananda
How did this 40/40 project experience affect you personally?
This project, coming at this time in my life, was a chance to step out into public again, as a new and more authentic version of myself. Although I’ve had a fairly public presence for many years, being a community yoga teacher, I’m now truly in a new phase of life. I have needed to become much stronger, and at the same time more vulnerable, to show parts of myself that I’ve hidden, both knowingly and unknowingly. Through being photographed in this way, I am owning more of my power to be seen as I truly am. Not being afraid of my power, my sexuality, and my more tender under-belly side. I am so ready to be my full self, in ways I am still discovering. And this project helped me step into this phase with more self-assurance. It has been the exact right thing at the exact right time for me.
Thank you so much for joining this project and sharing about your life journey EB!
You are a strong, driven woman over 40, or maybe you are trying to get your footing in this next chapter of life. Or bouncing back and forth. It’s a wild ride that’s for certain. So much change. I invite you to be a part of Forty Women Over Forty Portraits and Story Project, Volume 2.
What’s the purpose of 40/40 Vol. 2?
1. Unleash Your Potential: At 40/40 Vol. 2, I believe that age is just a number and that women over 40 have an incredible amount of untapped potential, wisdom and beauty. Through this project, you will have the opportunity to get back in touch with who you are at your core. See the beauty you have BECAUSE you are over 40 and achieve personal growth like never before. It’s time to give back to yourself.
2. Empowered Community: Join a community of like-minded women who are passionate about lifting one another up & shifting the narrative of this age group. Upon completion, the project celebration will provide the opportunity to meet and surround yourself with inspiring individuals. Fostering connection and new friendships.
3. Diverse Perspectives: I value the unique experiences and perspectives that women over 40 bring to the table. By joining us, you will play an integral role in shaping and shifting limiting beliefs for others, perhaps also for yourself, drawing upon your wealth of wisdom and abilities and sharing them with others.
Join 40/40 Vol. 2 Today!
If you're ready to embark on an exciting adventure, tap HERE. This link will take you to the 40/40 Vol. 2 project overview and application. Take the first step towards fulfilling your potential and joining this incredible cohort of women over 40.
Apply Now:
Once you reach the project overview, you'll find all the details about the exciting opportunities that await you, project goals, and application process. The application is straightforward and quick to fill out.
Join 40/40 Vol. 2 and Make a Difference:
Don't hesitate to seize the chance to be part of something game-changing. Join 40/40 Vol. 2 today and redefine what it means to be a woman over 40. Together, we will break barriers, challenge norms, and erase limiting beliefs! It’s time to come together.
Below is a ‘first take’ video of myself sharing a little insight into why this project is important to me personally…