What year were you born?
I was born 1946 in Anchorage, Alaska. The nurses delivered me, because the doctor was actually late. The number one song in the US was I'm A Big Girl Now.
My father was stationed in Alaska developing radar installations in the early years of the Federal Aviation Administration. When I was three, he was transferred to FAA headquarters in Washington D.C. I had an idyllic early life. I was extremely close to my father. My earliest memories are long one-on-one conversations with him and our family picnics on the Washington Mall near the Washington and Lincoln Memorials and the Reflecting Pond. I particularly remember the beauty of the Cherry Blossoms and petting the beautiful, majestic police horses in the park. My passion for animals began with those horses.
What was your life like growing up? What dreams and goals did you have for your life when you left High School?
When I was six years old, my father was killed in an airline accident, and my mother moved us to Port Angeles, Washington to be near her parents. I grew up on the Olympic Peninsula near the Rain Forest. We had a small farm on the Straits of Juan de Fuca that looked across at Vancouver Island and Victoria B.C. I could see the twinkling lights of the city, 18 miles across the water.
My mother remarried, and before I knew it, I was the oldest of six children. I was always the “odd” one, and kept to myself much of the time. I enjoyed solitude, and spent much of my time riding my horse on logging roads in the foothills of the Olympic Mountains. I felt comforted on those many rides into the mountains. Years later, I learned that my father’s ashes had been spread over those mountains, where I had found peace.
When I left high school, I wanted to go to college like my dad. I wanted to either be a brain scientist, an architect or a jet pilot. And I wanted to live in a city.
I did go on to live in cities: Chicago, Seattle, Buffalo and for over 30 years, San Diego. I ultimately became a Cognitive Scientist specializing in visual perception. I worked with the Navy and Air Force Research labs in Fighter Pilot Training and at Top Gun, the Navy Fighter Training Center. And at one point in my career, I took a year off and squeezed two years of architecture study into one, and earned a Certificate in Architecture. So, in hindsight, I feel that I met my early goals.
Name at least one outstanding experience you have had in your life. How did this or these events affect you?
I’ve had several outstanding experiences that have significantly affected my life.
Car accident. This was a difficult one, but I learned something good from it. I was in a car accident when I was 23. I had lots of broken bones. I was crying in my room one morning, when the surgeon walked in. To my surprise, he took my shoulders and shook me gently. Then he said whenever I feel sad, I should always stop and be grateful for my luck, because it was just chance that I wasn’t paralyzed.
That moment has stuck with me and been a guiding principle. I am truly grateful for being able to walk. And I learned that I can aim to be the best I can be, no matter what constraints or disabilities the Universe throws at me.
I got a Ph.D. in Cognitive Science. I went through grad school as a single mother, and although it wasn’t easy, that just made me even prouder. And proud of my little boy who always helped and supported me. He went through it all too, often sleeping in the research lab in a sleeping bag, while I did my research.
Rock Climbing. I learned to rock climb in my mid 30’s, despite a wonky foot from my car accident. I was afraid of heights at first, but learned to breathe deep, be patient and carefully move up the rock wall. You learn to trust your climbing partner and to be someone they can depend on too. And of course, you have to stay in shape to stay safe.
Navy F-18 Pilot Training Program. Because of my work at Top Gun, I was recruited to help design and introduce this program. It was a radically new idea in pilot training, relying heavily on flight simulation and computer based training. As a result, pilots were almost fully trained to fly the aircraft before ever climbing into the cockpit. There were no precedents, and I was on my own as to how to get Marines and Naval aviators to go along ….
The program proved to be a huge success, and was the safest introduction of a new fighter aircraft in history. I learned to trust my gut and my training, and gained confidence to try new things, even though the risks might be high.
Big Distance Handler. I wanted to do dog agility, but because of the foot injury from my car accident, I can’t run more than a few steps. I found an organization setting up competitions where the dog is guided through the agility obstacles at distances of 30-40 feet from their handler. I was one of the first to compete. It’s difficult for me to get up in front of people to '“perform” so it was extra challenging. But the high stakes were worth it, and this turned out to be one of the most thrilling things I have ever done.
When in your life, so far, have you felt most confident and why?
There have been several times …
I helped to develop the F/A-18 Fighter Pilot Training Program. It was a huge success and was the Navy’s safest introduction of a combat aircraft. Military leaders from many countries came to see our program, and I gave papers at many conferences.
Rock climbing also helped me to feel confident. I started out afraid of heights, but eventually was able to do two wall climbs in Yosemite Valley.
Later in life, my dog agility gave me confidence. I trained two “Big Distance” dogs. I took part in competitions that required me to guide my dogs through obstacles 30-40 feet away. I went to national championships several times.
And now I’m learning to feel confident dancing, as I have started dancing to old style rock and roll bands in the past year. It’s amazingly fun to be dancing with a bunch of Baby Boomers to good old rock music.
Was there a time in your life where you felt ‘stuck’, unable to find the energy or strength to move forward or to make a big change? If so, can you share what it was &/or what helped you get past this road block?
I feel least confident in interpersonal relationships. I am very shy, and have a lot of anxiety around the issue of people pleasing. It’s hard to say no. I still have to work on myself in this area. To get past a problem situation, I work hard on doing what I think is fair for the other person and remind myself that I have to be fair to me, too.
What is the one piece of advice would you give your younger self?
Worry less about everything.
Present
How have your dreams and goals changed now that you are 40+
I always try to have a passion, that’s never changed. My passions have changed, however: Tennis, rock climbing, dog agility and now dancing. But my goal in each case is to do the best I can do gracefully for my age and physical abilities. This gives me happiness. It’s my creative outlet and allows me to express “me”.
An unchanging goal was always to return to the Northwest. Three years ago, my husband and I settled on the Oregon Coast, so I am back in my beloved Pacific Northwest, near a rainforest.
Share an indulgence:
I have two indulgences. Animals is one of them. I have five dogs and an African Grey Parrot who is now 32 years old.
Dark chocolate is my other one …
How do other people describe you or see you?
In response to this question, my husband said that he recently heard two of my friends talking about whether I am an introvert or an extrovert. They decided that I am an extrovert, in that I like to talk to people. But they agreed that I do not make small talk well, so they could see me being pretty quiet at parties.
I have also been told that I have a sly sense of humor. I know that if I can make someone laugh, I like them.
What is your super power?
Being quiet and observing. This is easy for me because I am very shy and reserved. I fade into the woodwork well, especially in crowds.
Can you share what your favourite part of your body is? Why?
Right now it’s my abs, because I work so hard in Pilates to maintain my core strength.
Do you like being 40+?
Well, no choice here, so I accept it. I’ve always tried to stay in shape and be able to do active things.
I also try to learn from mistakes. In particular, I’ve tried to increase my self confidence in interpersonal relationships through the years. As I’ve noted above, learning to say no to people is a biggie. I’ve learned the hard way that you must not stretch past more than you are able to give. Once you sap your energy with someone, you will feel resentment. I’ve let that happen, too often. I’m learning not to do it.
Has your relationship with yourself changed as you have gotten older? How?
Yes, it sure has. My husband says that you have to take care of yourself so you can help others. I am still learning to do this.
In these older years, I also take better care of my health.
And I am learning to like myself.
What are you passionate about now? Ie: career, volunteer work, hobbies, how you spend your time. Please describe and include any links that you would like to share. Alternatively, If you are challenged in some way and unable to do what you love/wish to do, please share.
Right now my most active passion is dancing. I regularly go for three hours with friends at least once a week, maybe twice.
I’m also pretty passionate about hula hooping. I have a regular two hour session once a week with friends in our local community center. And when the rock bands play outside, we take our hoops and hoop dance to the music.
I am starting a new dog in a little different type of agility, not run at big distance. It’s something new, but I’m very excited about it. And we will see how I can do this with my wonky foot!
Finally, I am very passionate about my home here on the Oregon Coast. I moved here three years ago. I had always planned to come back to live near the Coast and the Rain Forest. I love everything about it. The windy, big beaches, the evergreen forests with moss on the trees, the fog, the rain, King Tides and the short, but glorious summers.
Future
What goals/ambitions/dreams would you like to be working on that you haven’t had the opportunity to start on yet?
Ever since I saw the Mad Max series of movies, I’ve wanted to ride in a truck caravan across Australia. I love being in places that are so vast and open that you can sense the curvature of the earth. I get that feeling every time I cross the Salt Flats in Utah.
What advice would you give your future self?
Look at your health like you’re taking care of a precious but aging machine.
Keep it oiled and tuned! LOL!
Perceptions & Advice
How do you think women of your generation are perceived?
I’m not sure, but I can tell you that every generation has it’s unique challenges.
Women in the early Baby Boomer generation learned that it is important to be strong and supportive of each other. We reached adulthood during shocking and tumultuous times in the 60’s. Political assassinations and violent demonstrations were the watchwords of our youth. Our lives were all affected by the war in Vietnam, whether by the mandatory draft of our boyfriends, husbands, and brothers or the violence on our college campuses.
The Women’s Movement was born of these times. The protest movements taught us that it is necessary to stand up for your rights, and how to do it. We wanted to be independent and not simply a man’s helpmate. We began to enter the workforce in far greater numbers than women in the postwar 50’s.
It was shocking and disappointing to find that we had to work twice as hard to get the same recognition and benefits as a man. I had so many instances of that in my life.
At my first job in 1980 in a four “man” and one “women” scientific consulting firm, I received the lowest salary. And I was one of two Ph.D.s in the group. I was also the only one who didn’t have a paid parking place.
Although I’d had an American Express card for nine years. I couldn’t get a credit card from the local bank until my boss went to the bank with me. If I had been married, my husband would have had to take me and the card would have been in his name. And we were now into the 80’s!
I realize that despite our struggles, we experienced privileges that other generations may never have. I just don’t think that defining our generation as privileged paints the whole picture. We are multi-faceted and I believe it was through the challenges we faced that influenced our generation to be strong, supportive women who accomplished so much!
Are there any myths you would like to bust about the over 40s? If so, can you tell us about them?
When I was young, my grandmother told me that you are always the same person inside, it’s the person you see in the mirror who shows her age. In other words, you always can feel energetic and young no matter how old you are.
What advice do you have to offer to those who are approaching mid life or those that are in mid life and perhaps struggling with it.
In all cases, attend to your physical and mental health. Stay on top of it. Self care is a gift we give to ourselves.
“aim to be the best You can be, no matter what constraints or disabilities the Universe throws at You.”
Do you have a favourite book to recommend?
Oh yes I do. It’s an oldie, but a goodie. The Left Hand of Darkness by my hero, Ursula LeGuin. I love it so much that I looked it up again, and decided to spell out what’s so great about it.
First off, she showed the world that masterful fiction could arise out of the genre of science fiction. It’s also one of the first books known as feminist science fiction. The title of the book comes from the first two lines of a poem in the book:
“Light is the left hand of darkness,
and darkness the right hand of light.”
LeGuin was a Toaist. Dualism is a recurring theme: her focus is the tension of two parts coming together to become a whole. Examples of themes in the book include androgeny: the combination of feminine and masculine characteristics in one person, the balance between light and darkness in the world and the relationship of violence and non-violence. Her characters were more interested in preserving alien societies rather than conquering them.
I loved this book long before I knew about all those themes. I think it spoke to my own dualism: I always told people that my goal was to have my inside person match my outside person. I think anxiety arises in trying to become one, whole person. People often say I appear cool and calm. I want that inside, too. In truth my “brain wheels” often spin wildly and are hard to control. One of my goals in life has been to calm them down to match that outside exterior. Then I can be whole.
Do you have a favourite quote to share?
I have a new one. An old friend of mine from graduate school posted it… And it relates to my comments above.
“Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset.”
-Saint Francis de Sales
Is there anything else you would like to add?
I am doing this portrait project in honor of a lifelong friend who passed away suddenly. Years ago when we were young and worked out regularly together, she suggested that I have some portraits taken. At that time, I just brushed off the suggestion. Maybe I thought I could always get around to it, or maybe I didn’t like myself enough to do it. Anyway, I have always wished I’d taken her advice.
Three years ago, she helped me through a bout of breast cancer. And just before her death, she and I had supported each other to lose pandemic weight. I also do Pilates and noted that my abs show again after many years. So I decided to honor my old friend’s suggestion from long ago and do this!
If she were here, she’d be cheering me on … I miss her.
What has this 40 Women Over 40 Project meant to you?
By taking part in the project, I’ve learned so much about myself, my life, people who love me, and what’s guided me through the years. Prepping for the photo shoot inspired some important self-care. Also, I found myself choosing clothes that had meaning, often vintage pieces from people I loved and who loved me. Through the interview questions I realized the principles that have guided me through the years.
I am hoping that this leaves a legacy for my grandchildren, as they proceed on their own life paths. Most important, the Women over 40 Project led me to the realization that I like the person I have become.
Last and most important, my portraits knocked my socks off! They reflect the fun we had that day, the preparation I put in, and the warmth and fun I experienced with Shawnalee. And best of all, she captured the true me. I highly recommend doing this project!