What year were you born?
I was born 1943 on a Monday. Just that I was born during a blitz in London, England.
What was your life like growing up? What dreams and goals did you have for your life when you left High School?
It was disruptive, my parents moved around. We left England when I was five and moved to Toronto Canada for 5 years and then to Los Angeles when I was just turning 11. Then we moved every few years because my parents wanted to live in different areas, better neighborhoods. I even moved when I was a teenager but they did stay in the same area so that I could go to the same high school. I didn’t know what I wanted to do when I left high school but I did want to go away for college. My parents (my dad primarily) said until I knew what I wanted to do he didn’t want to spend the money to send me away. I think he didn’t have the money but wasn’t honest about it. So I went to junior college for 2 years and then went to work as a legal secretary.
What is the one piece of advice would you give your younger self?
Stay in college and finish up your degree and don’t get married until late 20s. I got married at 22, met my husband in school at 20.
Name at least one outstanding experience you have had in your life. How did this or these events affect you?
I’ve had many great experiences and its hard to pinpoint. Certainly have my children was one of the highlights of my life. Also, my career in the Entertainment business gave me many opportunities to learn and grow as well as to travel.
When in your life, so far, have you felt most confident and why?
Work always gave me great satisfaction and a sense of worth. Being useful and productive is important to me. Some of my work experiences were demoralizing and degrading by my employers, but they didn’t define me. I didn’t stay in unhealthy situations but would trust I would land on my feet. I always felt that no matter what I would survive and thrive. I think when I divorced my 1st husband, my kids’ father, I began feeling independent and competent. My father was controlling and so was my husband. I chose to forge a path on my own with two little children and felt good about doing it on my own, though it was very difficult at times. A real growth experience raising 2 kids as a single mom and having a career that was demanding.
How have your dreams and goals changed now that you are 40+?
Well, I am way past 40. When I look back at that time, I was still trying to get grounded as a single mother with a career (I was 38 when I got divorced). My career grew and changed over the years, but my most successful career was during the time I raised my kids. Its interesting to think back because my motivation was to make money and be successful at what I was doing. I did marketing and I made my way up the ladder to be an executive with Warner Bros. That was exciting but stressful. When I turned 52 I left that job because it had become very toxic and I was uncomfortable. After that I was a consultant for 10 years when I struggled to find clients..
Bu the time I was 62 I decided to get a job and found that being older and out of the work force was challenging but wound up working for a production company for a short time when they restructured and let me go. So I then moved to be closer to my kids up in Northern California and wound up doing part-time and then full-time for a non-profit for a short period until they lost all their funding. Found myself out of work at 64 and turned and helped my dog walker (who took care of my dog when I worked fulltime). I had spent many years volunteering for rescue organizations and humane society. I did this for several years until I moved to Portland. At 79 I am still dog sitting occasionally and enjoy it. One of my biggest dreams was to have a home where I could have a lot of dogs to love and take care of. So dog walking (going to parks and having them at my home) was a accidental dream come true.
Have your core values changed over time? What do you value now?
I have always valued honesty and good health. Being as honest as I can with myself and others and taking care of myself in healthy ways (emotionally and physically) have always been at the top of my list.
Share an indulgence:
Sweets have become a big indulgence. I didn’t grow up with sweets and when I raised my kids I didn’t indulge. I think since I went through menopause I have more cravings. Also, I love to watercolor paint. My biggest indulgence has been my passion for my dogs. I’m considered a crazy dog lady by my kids.
How do other people to describe you or see you?
Not sure. Confident, competent and wise.
Can you share what your favourite part of your body is? Why?
My favorite body parts were my legs. Always were complimented on my legs.
Do you like being 40+?
I can’t remember, I was too busy surviving being a mother and working.
How has your relationship with yourself changed as you have gotten older?
I accept myself as I am now. One of my goals was to age gracefully and I think I have been doing that. Being sick has tested that grace. Something I strive for is serenity, peace and acknowledging the aging process.
What goals/ambitions/dreams would you like to be working on that you haven’t had the opportunity to start on yet?
Well, I really don’t have a bucket list. However, I am working on improving my skills on drawing and painting. I would like to improve and be proud of what I produce.
What advice would you give your future self?
Keep on doing it, even when you fail.
How do you think women of your generation are perceived?
The world is still struggling with ageism and it is changing very slowly. I love that actresses (like Helen Mirren, Diane Keaton, etc.) are showing that aging can be beautiful and highly respected. I love to see that Nancy Pelosi (who I think is 79) is still out there fighting the good fight. We need more women who are aging can show that there is still much to offer and be a productive member of society.
Are there any myths you would like to bust about the over 40s? If so, can you tell us about them?
Forty to me is young as women in 50s. I guess as I age I look at these women and think there is so much more for them to accomplish and enjoy.
What advice do you have to offer to those who are approaching mid life or those that are in mid life and perhaps struggling with it.
Find a poster that is encouraging and uplifting and put it in your bathroom. I have a poster that states: “Courage to be Myself” and lists all the things that are affirming. I see it daily and am reminded about those things I still need to work on.
Was there a time in your life where you felt ‘stuck’, unable to find the energy or strength to move forward or to make a big change? If you don’t mind, can you share what it was & what helped you get past this road block?
Oh, being stuck was my biggest stumbling block. I hate when I’m stuck. Finding my way out of that space is a struggle but I recognized that I need to change and move forward with my life. Whether it was with a job, or a relationship. Being stuck meant that I wasn’t growing, learning and developing myself.
Do you have a favourite book to recommend?
I have read many books for self help but there are many new ones. I think books that give positive re-enforcement are very valuable.
Do you have a favourite quote to share?
My dad’s favorite was “To Thine Own Self Be True” and it has become mine.
Thank you for taking the time to share Brenda!
END