This was a thing we spoke of: How people throughout her life as she grew up, carelessly planted seeds of doubt through spoken word that grew without her realizing, into a garden that was not hers. Please read on and support her in your heart. But also know that she is one of the strongest, badass women I have met to date. But even badasses need love.
“Where do I even begin?
This experience has illuminated so much that has been deeply hidden within me! And to see myself through the eyes of another, what a challenge! But also, what a beautiful gift.
I am a HUGE cheerleader of self-love, self-reverence, self-compassion, but this put me to the test. Am I MY own cheerleader? Truly? Truly? Truly?
My reactions to my own photos were surprisingly all over the board! The tendency to be self-critical versus self-loving is a very real ingrained habit. A habit that is one I choose to leave behind me.
I was able to cry and laugh and discover and talk through these giant epiphanies. I feel like working with Shawnalee was a portal into a magic land of ME. Of surrender, of deep acceptance, of celebration,of reclamation and of living life with an exclamation! A land where apologies and timidness do not exist! I am forever grateful for that gift!
I wanted to flip the script for myself. I'm turning 50 this summer. Who am I NOW? Looking back over my life, my chapters, my sorrows, my joys. What my body has survived, endured and thrived through. And the fact that I am so much more than my body!
And my wish to own agency over myself, me and me alone! To be unaffected from the negative messaging that floods us from the moment we are born, greets us daily in ways that we are not even cognizant of. To erase the internal recording of all the shaming, bullying, judging nicknames from coaches, colleagues, friends, family, lovers and strangers.
This was an unpacking of ALL the bullshit. Standing naked, literally and figuratively, in a world that doesn't fully embrace the whole person...well, to that I say NOT ANY MORE. I AM HERE. And I am not apologizing. I am standing proud. I am celebrating every curve, every scar, every story and every day that this earth suit gets to be here.
I'm only getting better. I am finally my own best friend. Showing up for myself instead of against myself. Sifting through the bullshit and highlighting the truth: women are queens, miracle makers, goddesses. I am a queen, a miracle maker, a goddess.”
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“Life gets crazy and you stop doing things for yourself. This was the beginning of me reclaiming something that was mine that I forgot that I had and now I remember.”